boom! anna asked me one of the toughest questions in life! if i was asked that question years ago, i would have enumerated all my aspirations. i was so sure of myself then. now, that i'm older, i had a different answer. none of my "plans" materialized as i had hoped but i think they were also for the better. God had other plans. i never knew i was going to switzerland but i don't regret the fact that i did. if i had stayed in the philippines, i'm sure all my plans would have changed too.
the answer i gave was: me ... to lead the life that God wants me to ... i don't have specifics yet because i don't really know ... but i let Him drive
anna: i don't really know to what are my plans. that's the reason why i asked. hehehe. maybe i was the only one still undecided on what to do ... hahaha.. cguro kasi we are undecided kasi we have lots of possibilities. unlike others lalo na sa pinas ... yung iba even though they would like to continue studying ... they can't kasi they have to help their family ...
she was so right! i never thought of it that way. before i would just complain or come up with 1001 reasons why i couldn't do this and that ... why i had no real plans ... but the truth of the matter is ... I DO HAVE A CHOICE ... THERE IS A LOT OF POSSIBILITIES. i'm just too chicken to pursue any of them ... i'm afraid! sometimes, it's easier to stay as a victim and blame the world.
going back to my answer ... it doesn't mean just because God is driving, i'm just sitting idly by in the passenger seat either! no, i have to help navigate because i have free will. i have a choice which way to go. i have the freedom to choose.
most people like to blame God. i really regret that. most of the times, we are suffering the consequences of our actions or the misjudgements of other people. but God only has the good at heart for us. He shouldn't be some kind of whipping post. but even if we relegate that role to Him, He doesn't really curse us back.
so how do i let God lead? i try to pray about it ... and discern ... because it's difficult to tell ... i try to be responsible in my choices and act on what i can control like what job i'll apply for, which friends i should hang out with, which school to go to, what to read, etc. things i have control over.
i still don't have real concrete plans for the future but i do have short-term goals. goals i'd like to see improve in myself: i.e.
1. lose some weight!!! yes, all the pounds i lost have come back, thank God not all of them. (i would joke that i couldn't help the food coming into my mouth ... i thrust it there! hehe)
2. improve myself by reading the books i want to read or reading books that i should read. i have a pile at home just waiting to be read.
3. i'm trying to bike more ... i finally sold my little bike which was a source of insecurity every time i drove up to the office. i'd bike in a flurry to avoid people seeing my insy winsy bike. it has found a home with a dear friend who is very much happy with the state of the bike. i'm glad it has a good home.
4. learn french! - rather SPEAK IT!!! i've been here for four years and i still can't carry on a fluent conversation. it's a real shame! so, i engaged one of my friends to do a "tandem" as he likes to call it ... we exchange. he learns filipino and i learn french. one hour for each and the rest in english. three hours on a tuesday evening. i am still enrolled in french class at the office. thank God i passed the last exam. :D
5. say NO! - as i wrote earlier, i had a real problem saying "no" and it made my life so hectic that i would be so stressed out and for what? for the few praises that i would get? not worth it! i'd rather do the things i'd like to do and be happy with myself and not get an aneurism in the process.
6. continue to live life to the fullest ... i signed as a witness to a last will and testament today. it was my colleague's. death is also a very potent mover.
7. learn, learn, learn - from every possible medium - people, books, experience. as anna said "there are so many things to learn in every day life". i said "as long as we're open to it".
8. LOVE - my friend danny keeps repeating this over and over and over again ... that i just can't keep it to myself. he asked me "why are you here?" i said ... "what? here, in your office?" he said, "here in this world. wasn't it that your parents loved each other and created you?" i think so. hehe. i also bumped into the guy i was dating yesterday who danny was talking to... he felt sad for me when we "broke up" because he said that we were put on this earth to love. i think we should grab every opportunity to show love. what if you die tomorrow and you never told a loved one you loved them? or a person you admire so much? or your children, or your friend? what is the use of keeping that love to yourself? you reap what you sow. so, i try in all earnest to show love when i can. i may not be successful sometimes but at least i tried. i may not be rich but i am rich in love. :D
9. make the most of every situation - i think it was in high school (abu dhabi) that a teacher would drill in me that i was very lucky to be where i am. i didn't know if i was lucky but i think i was privileged to have moved from place to place. i suffered a lot losing friends and opportunities but i grew to embrace change. it's not so painful anymore to leave. it's still hard to say goodbye but with technological advances ... who can be far away? at a click, you're connected. (not that i'd prefer the computer version of anyone ... maybe that could work to my advantage though ... just joking) and everything can be a learning experience. once i was packing and my brother was biting my head off why i didn't come home early and pack and blah and blah and blah. i said "what good is it for you to scold me now? will it help me pack? why not just help me?" 10 per cent of what we go through is the situation itself, 90 per cent is the attitude we take to solving the problem or dealing with the situation. in retrospect, you are probably better off than most people.
that's all i can think of for the moment.
what are your plans in life?