Thank you God

There was a time in our lives when my family had to split an apple into five so that everybody could have a taste. My mom would buy the most-bruised bananas because it was what we could afford. It was Mamu's policy that no one gets left behind or is left wanting and not being able to taste what's at table. So, early on, we learned to share. And early on, we also learned to guard what was ours what we didn't want to share.

There were times when we'd rather eat outside what little we had so we didn't have to share. Because once you went home and you had food with you, you'd have to share it with everybody.

Now, it's different. God has been good to us. God has been so good that He gave my mom a wonderful job. She gave her the drive, the dream to lift us up from our situation. We no longer had to share one apple. We could now buy grilled cheese from the local McDo, Burger Machine. That was our treat. That was what made us happy. It's what we looked forward to every pay day.

And looking back at where we were, it's made us all appreciate what we have now. Yes, we still feel sometimes that we haven't eaten enough, as if we're going to run out of food, so we eat as much as we can. But at the same time, we've learned to give and to share.

My brothers have become very generous. Gorby would give the shirt of his back to help someone. Paul would always give to the beggars without looking back. Buddy would feed us, his family to our heart's content and Christopher would give of his love when he makes "lambing". I've also learned to share of my talents and resources and not to be so stingy with my time.

God has blessed us with such a wonderful mother who imparted us with such values.

Eating my lunch today I was brought to tears. I can't contain the feeling of blessedness because now, I can buy what I will eat. Be it simple or grand. Today I ate a sumptuous vegetarian sandwich and chickpea soup. It may be simple for some but for me, it was perfect! It brought tears to my eyes to eat every bite and to savour every flavour. We've moved up from the grilled cheese.

And I have God to thank for all of this. My heart wants to explode from the feeling of blessedness.

Thank you God.

Loving like the sandalwood

I was talking to my mom today and she shared with me something new and interesting. I really love talking to my mom exactly because she has so much information to share. Today it was about Sandalwood, how it doesn't "cry" and how God loves us.

She learned in one of her retreats that the tree sandalwood leaves a perfume on the ax that cuts it instead of bleeding or as my said "no bitter cry". I would like to paste here what she said:

Mama: the sandal wood is a tree that when cut leaves its perfume on the ax that cuts it.

Mama: with no bitter cry.

Mama: the song with the same title says true love comes from a broken heart.

Mamal: if the heart is true and the emotion is real.

Mama: remember that.

Mama: so leave perfumes with your true love, anak.

Mama: like CHRIST's .

Mama: HE loves us like the sandalwood.

Mama: HE broke HIMSELF for us.

Mama: and gives us the perfume of HIS Love

Unfold by Marie Digby

A song recommended by Missy ... Thanks Missy ... I love it!!!

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For Jowan on her wedding ...

Dearest Jowan,

As requested, here is your tribute. :) It's by no means exhaustive of my praises for you. Like Tito said, hindi naman kami nagkulang sa pagbigay ng wishes sa iyo. :) Hehe. I hope you like it.

Lovealways,
P.A.

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Joanne signs her letters to me and probably to most "love and light" because she is love and light. For most of us who know Jowan she is love embodied in a joyous body who you'd love to be around. That even in her own dark moments, she can be a light to others. I can personally say that Jowan has been there even if I was in Geneva and she here - the distance was never a hindrance. I felt her friendship and her sisterhood. She was the sister I never had.

She may look petite but she is very strong. Very strong - yet very gentle in her ways. She doesn't pass judgement quickly and is very understanding.

Everybody could fall in love with a girl like Jowan - and I'm happy that she was able to find her partner not a rainbow away. We would often stay up to the wee hours of the night discussing anything under the sun but most especially the matters of the heart.

Jowan's heart is so good that our friends in Geneva took an instant liking to her because she was genuinely a happy person.

Jowan is not only a great friend but a great daughter. Like all the Barriga children she is the apple in her parents' eyes. She is a wonderful and caring sister.

She is our own love and light. In her own times of darkness, she in her great faith in God also found her way out. She is truly a remarkable person.

The love which she gives her dogs - "Pooh" and "Dell" - and all the living creatures that crosses her path, is immense, all the more with the people that really matter to her.

Jowan on your wedding day, I pray that your love and light will be multiplied and with Paolo as your partner in this journey called life.

"Non-transferable ang kasalan"

That's what Lemon told me when we saw each other. I can't tell what the specifics are but it's about a person who would like to take on another person's sin. And it made me think of Jesus. I thought how appropriate the topic was since it was the beginning of Lent.

There are times, when our loved ones would like to take on our sins or we'd like to carry the burden of our loved one's sins but most of the time, we would not even like to acknowledge our own sins.

It is heavy to carry the responsibility of a wrongdoing. All the more when it's not yours. But what about Jesus? What made Him carry all our sins to deliver us from them? His Father's will? His Father's love? His Great love?

I would like to believe that indeed God so loved the world that He did give His only Son. And yet Jesus in the garden asked His own Father to let the pass cup from Him. But it was to be. And He did it willingly.

And I think of the person that Lemon said ... and she retorted with that quote. I'm just glad that Jesus did take on our sins. Imagine if God told us that ... you and you alone will carry the burden of your sins and you will live in eternal damnation and you shall go to hell. Hmmm ... I would be totally scared.

when are you closest to God?

missy said yesterday "isn't it funny that we are closest to God when we are in pain?"

another friend said "but we can also be closest to God during our happiest moments".

i think it's both true ... we should be closest to God in our direst and happiest moments because He makes possible these moments that wrench our hearts as well as fill it up to the brim.

quotable quotes from my wonderful brother, atty. buds

(And let me clarify to my other brothers ... yes, you are all wonderful to me. :) I love you all equally. :) Mwah!)

"Writing is a passionate courtship with patience."

I was very inspired and motivated by what he said as he keeps egging me on to write and to have persistence and to have discipline. He says he writes every day. They're called pleadings. :) Haha.

I'm so happy that he tries to push me so hard so that I can write the book that I so much want to write. I bought my first laptop thinking I would finish my book on that. That laptop has since died and I still have yet to produce a manuscript. Yes, I will write. I will. :)

I was just reading Allende's "Ines of My Soul" and it said there "the ultimate form of vanity is an autobiography". Hehe. And my brother asked me to write our story. :) Oh well ... I'll still write it. :) Why not, coconut?

So, Buds, just wanted to say "Thank you from the bottom of my heart!" I love you!

feast of candles

yesterday was the feast of the presentation of the temple of Jesus. it's also known as the "Candlemas", purification of the Virgin Mary and meeting of the Lord.

it marks the end of the advent season 40 days after the birth of Jesus Christ. by Jewish tradition, each male child should be presented to the temple with a pair of turtle doves or pigeons (that was what the commoner could offer). that was what Joseph and Mary offered for Jesus.

in the temple was Simeon whom God bestowed the Spirit and the prophecy that he could only go in peace from this life after seeing the Messiah. and so he did and he declared that Jesus would be the cause of glory and downfall of many in israel and that Mary's own heart/soul would be pierced. so the prophecy came to pass.

fr. richard preferred the term "candlemas" best to remember the feast because it reminds him of Jesus' light shining in our lives and how we are called to be a light to others. that has been the message to me these past few days, that we should be a light to others. coming from our own darkness, God has put Jesus to light our path and we are called to share His light especially to those who are closest to us - our family and our friends.

as we lit our candles yesterday we remember Christ's light in our lives.

touching moment

talking to my colleague here that looks like julie andrews, i felt so touched by her story of christmas giving. she and her husband gave their garderner in africa a bright red bike so he could travel to and fro to any place he wanted to be. she said she had tears in her eyes as the man began to clap in the way that they do when they are excited and happy. i love stories that tell of self-less giving. it is so moving and it's a reminder that we are not here for ourselves but to be of service to others and to give our lives as testimonies to others so that we are walking witnesses of God's goodness and love. and this story just reminded me of how good we can all be. i had a swollen heart myself listening to my colleague because i can't only see the joy her gardener felt but the joy she felt when she gave it.

how much does it take to give? especially of one's self?

taming the tongue

they say words are like two-edged swords

... for me ...

it's like a bullet that once released by the cocking of a gun, can kill someone. if unintentional, i pray it doesn't hit any major organs lest i be accused of murder - premeditated murder. at least let there be an exit wound so that the bullet doesn't kill the person while it's lodged in some important body part.

i used to be a "fire-at-will" kind of person shooting my loaded mouth into the major organs of people, leaving a trail of bloody people behind. i hope they survived their wounds though. i'm very sorry for the way i used to be and have become very sensitive nowadays with regard to saying things because i was once hurt by words and it felt like i was stabbed in the heart and the blade was then traced up and down my body (imagine kill bill) to leave me in a state of utter brokenness if not death. only Jesus was able to help me out of that wound and the people that ceaselessly mended me with their kind and loving words. slowly but surely, my wounds grew scabs and i could walk again.

being at the end of that sword is painful, very painful and i would never ever want to inflict that kind of pain ... at least not intentionally. but it sometimes happens that we do open our mouths, forgetting the "safety" of our brains, we let out the words which can't be recuperated. after shooting a gun, one can't run after the bullet because the speed at which it was fired is too quick for our hands.

i read last night in my Bible devotional, Our Companion, that oftentimes, those that utter careless hurtful words don't remember or could care less that their deadly bullets were fired. on the receiving end, the wounded, never forget or limp with broken limbs or broken spirits and hearts.

i felt blessed that i was actually hurt that much because i felt what it was like to be at the receiving end. i would never wish that on any person, friend or foe.

remember to keep the "safety" on at all times. :)

sweat the big and the small stuff ...

yup, you read it right ... sweat the big and the small stuff ... or so my daily Bible devotional says today. i read that it's so easy to lose one's cool after a busy day and to want only to have one's way at the end of it. but Jesus' example in today's Gospel after healing the old lady which had been hemorrhaging for 12 years, raised a girl-child from the dead and made sure to remind her attendants that she have something to eat too.

it was an eye-opener for me that human as we are, can easily fall into the trap of "i, me, my", and forget about the others that need more attention than our petty concerns. it's difficult, again due to humanity's imperfection, to think of others when we ourselves are overburdened, in pain, suffering and the like. there are those that overcome the self and try to follow Jesus' example - mother teresa for one and the many saints like st. francis who embraced suffering and poverty to serve in God's name and be a man for others.

if God was the most important man of His time, yet He made other people feel that they were the most important in His life ... what prevents us from doing the same?

i remember a friend of mine who recounted a neighbourhood "aunt" who would make her feel special every time she came over as if the world stopped for her and this aunt prepared everything for her arrival and made her feel like she was the only person she was attending to. i sometimes feel like that with certain friends. i feel so blessed that there are still self-less people that make me feel so important and special. i cherish them. i try to do the same for others, although, sometimes, i am lacking.

go out and make someone feel special ... i dare you. :)

Building "relationships of hope"

After my father died, I felt an outpouring of support from all corners of the world, from family and friends, and people that I never knew would show up at the wake. It was a wonderful feeling to be loved and to be cared for. I am not used to it as I am usually the care-giver but as a friend pointed it out ... why not think of it as not being reminded of your loss but a reminder of how much you are cared for and loved? Very salient point indeed!

And then my mother tells me of her learning on "relationships of hope" and those that "encourages" from the Feast of Bo Sanchez.

Yes, relationships should always build up hope and encourage the people in it. Encourage in a good way to be good and loving and self-giving. I often hear that in the homilies of Fr. Tony at our church, John XXIII Parish. We must always be self-giving and be Christ-like to others. And at one of my lowest points in my life, I experienced that from the people that rallied to support me and my family at our moment of grief.

It was a loving ceremony ... we remembered my father and all his good qualities. We shared in the many good memories we had of him ... relatives, friends alike. It was a hopeful meeting. A hope that my father left in peace. He was smiling when I saw him. He looked at peace.

And I imagine what relationships of hope look like ... a big invisible web of love that wouldn't let anyone fall through the cracks of life. That even in the darkest moments, there are people to support you and to help you bounce back. And that web is supported by a greater web ... the web that is God. Because God is a God of Hope. And I'm happy that I had such a web to support me.

I would like to thank everyone for sharing in that hope. And I encourage everyone to build relationships of hope ... with the people that matter most and to strike up new relationships that continue to encourage and to build up hope ... because life is too short to despair.