Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Bloodied Women

(I entitled this entry "Bloodied Women" as a tribute to the womenly mothly emergencies that seem to drive us nuts sometimes. Having done research on PMS in my senior year in high school, women can be acquitted for murder if the crime was committed during her menstrual cycle. I hope you enjoy this following bit which is lifted from an email sent to me by my Kumare Cesca, a friend living in the United Arab Emirates.)

Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.



Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

And my favorite one..

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a good warning.

And remember: Money talks.... But Chocolate sings!


====Bloodied Woman by PA (20 Sept.2005)====

Every month blood smears your whole body
The feeling of dirt and filth engulfs you
You’re torn
Who to turn to with your irritable self
Upset from the monthly visitor

Confused and boxed
Society judges that filthy act
You follow their judgment
And throw yourself into confusion
Why does this happen to me, a woman?

Is this a curse I must endure?
Must I condone the status quo?
Woman rise up in this redeeming flow
You are clean
You are cleansed by the cramps

Pain is part of that recovery
Which comes five days late
O why are we bloodied?
Bloodied from no wounds scarred
Woman, rise up, you are cleansed by the blood!

1 comment:

tintin said...

Punish Men (or women) Severely. :) my brother gave me a PMS pin as a joke gift once. :)