It's my Christ year! 3Ds

That's what I've learned to call my 33rd birthday whom a dear friend told me.

On the eve of my Christ year, I ponder many things. Firstly, the homily this evening. Father Bob said he cringes when the Gospel or the Word says you must hate your family and friends. But in deeper detail, he says that the translation actually means to be detached. He said that was understandable.

I'm not a very addictive person but I may get too attached to some things. It can be people, or things or habits or whatevers.

This year before my Christ year, I have gone through a sort of detachment. I have been able to lessen my involvement in certain activities which allows me more time to be with God. I have also avoided people whose negativities bring me down. But I have quickly replaced it with other things like my revitalized passion for fishing.

A few days ago, I broke my ribs. It's a long story which I will not recount. The message is that I should not devote all my time to only fishing. I have to make time for God.

Church activities, though meaningful, do not necessarily equate time with God. I often think about the Gospel in Matthew when God teaches us how to pray - in seclusion, just with the Creator and no rambling because He already knows. It's a two-way dialogue that requires listening as well as speaking. But we most often do the latter that listening is put out of the picture.

So, this Christ year, I hope that I will be closer to God. With my recovery, God's presence and teachings are ever so evident. One is God's love and the need to love Him, and the other the love we have for our neighbour. God is so loving that whatever we do, He is there.

Last week, after breaking my ribs, though not knowing it yet, before mass, we thought we would miss the bus. To walk would be quick if I didn't have an injury but God knew my pain and somehow, the bus which should have left, stayed a bit which allowed us to ride. We then had to walk, a chore for me because my leg was still painful. After mass, we got on the bus to go somewhere to eat. A few friends saw me and said for me to sit, I said it was painful. They must have seen the pain on my face and said, don't eat yet, just go straight to the clinic.

This guiding presence of God through other people are so touching, I almost cried. Not from pain but knowing that God was there.

A similar thing happened when I was on holiday this summer. I went to a church, as a stranger, and I was asked by the church volunteer to offer up the gifts. Who was I - some stranger to that church - to offer up gifts? I felt God valuing my presence. I cried during communion and went home with a smile on my face.

The second lesson is love for others. I have had opportunities to be on the giving side but at this moment in time, I have been on the receiving. I am so thankful to a loved one who has been helping me recover and who is always there to help me in times of need. God has given me a true gift. I could not ask for anything more on my birthday - to be loved by Him and to be loved by others.

That's why it's sometimes hard to be detached because God has given us so many blessings and we can't help but dote on these blessings. But He asks us to dote on the Giver and not to lose sight of that.

So, this Christ year, I hope I can find a balance between detachment, doting and devotion.

Lord, thank you for another year of blessing of life. I cherish every second of it. I'm sorry for all my shortcomings and I pray for good health. Thank you for all the lovely people around me and for all those who have challenged me to be closer to You. I pray for forgiveness.

All this Lord, I cherish and pray, in your name. Amen.

Madali ka ma-disappoint (You're easily disappointed)

That's what my friend told me today when I was venting about how another friend's prospective job might not pull through. I took offence for a while, kept to myself, pondered about what she said. I felt a bit slighted but my friend and I have been through a lot so I chose to act “normal”. This is what Bo Sanchez recommended when there has been a misunderstanding and you just want things to be as normal as possible. Act normal and feel later and sooner or later your feelings will follow your actions.

I was simply venting and I just wanted to be heard. I didn't really expect a chastisement or scolding as such. But she did have a point. After she said that line, she added: Trust in God and you will not be disappointed. Know that He has better plans.

Yes, I know that in my head and in my heart. It was just in that moment in time, I doubted. I doubted like Peter. I doubted like Thomas. When has God ever let me or my loved ones down? I don't recall any real let-down. The answer has always been clear: Yes, No, Not now. Sometimes, I choose to see between the lines. Well, so much for looking between the lines. What is in between is the fact that God is so good, He or She (International Women's Day is soon here :)), knows what we already need before opening our mouths and He or She will give it if it is what is best for us. Nothing less and sometimes surprisingly more.

As I reflected today with the help of OPM (Original Pilipino Music) and the concentration to work like my life depended on it got me smiling. I became very happy and my feelings of hurt turned into love. Love for my friend whom I know said that because she wanted me to be appeased that God will never let me down. Love for the people that dare to show love. Love for the people that appreciate the little things I do. Love, love, love. The love of God that is all around to feel and to share.

So, my not so disappointed self started smiling – at everything. I might have looked a bit crazy to some people. But I appreciated as I always do the little things – a smile, a plant, two friends talking, people helping and showing random acts of kindness. I smiled at the collection of photos of the people at work in our organization. I smiled as I walked home. I smiled at the air that was going through my body.

Thank you Lord for giving me my friend who reminded me that I should never be disappointed with you or what life has laid down before me. You have better plans – plans for a future full of hope. The verse of Jeremiah 29:11 is forever etched into my heart.

I leave it at the foot of the Cross. We will soon be welcoming you into Jerusalem with palms only to crucify you a few days later.

Look not on our sins but on the faith of your Church – that's what we say at Sunday mass. Yes, Lord, look not at our inability to fathom your plans and the errors we make. Look at our faithfulness and the hope that we put in You because only You know the plans for our lives.

This Lent, may we never be disappointed by the experiences and challenges that come our way. May we welcome them as a sign of your unfailing love and your trust in us.

Jesus I trust in You.

***

Who am I? (Qui suis-je?)

That was a question that Jean Valjean asked himself when he faced the dilemma of becoming a criminal yet again or living out the life that he was destined to have. It was the question that Javert asked himself before throwing himself in the river Seine.

It is the question we ask ourselves everyday if we do not yet know what life holds for us.

These past weeks a recurrent theme in my life is the question: Who am I? From French class who asked to recount my heritage, my grandparents, my family and my village to the recent showing of Les Miserables here in Geneva.

In Les Mis, Fantine sings in “I dream a dream” that she imagined her life to be different and not exactly where she was at that time in the margins selling herself so that she may buy the life of her daughter Cosette. How many times have we found ourselves in the margin, thinking is this the life I was meant to lead? Or is there a greater sacrifice?

It is also reminiscent of the message of Christ. Lent started just a few days ago with Ash Wednesday and the ashes being crossed on each of the faithful's forehead. “Who do the people say I am?” Jesus asked. It didn't matter what the people said because He knew who He was and no one could change that. And Peter's “You're the Messiah” was evidence that he chose to see with his heart and not with the eyes of his human form.

As Father Richard said in his sermon, Lent is not about giving up things but becoming the person that God wanted us to be. God did not want sacrifices or holocaust, he wanted us, the us that He created.

But who am I? That is the question in some our minds. I often ask myself that. Who am I really? My mom calls me by many names in the hopes that I will become one of those things: writer, professor, horticulturist, entrepreneur, etc. And yet, I am not really any of those things.

Is it in my head that I dream that I would like to be a published writer some day? Is it a dream that I would like to tend to an organic farm some day? Is it far from reality that I could be a businesswomen who can support herself? And the list goes on.

The question remains, who am I? Am I really those things? Or is the calling from God more basic? Fantine sings: To love another person is to see the face of God ... Yes, the challenge is there in defining who I am and who you are. In the times that God challenged us, did we show love? Did we show compassion? Did we see His face in others? Did we see His love for us? Do we know that we are His creation and therefore also Love.

Who am I? I am yours, the song goes:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

And so the answer is: Not because of who I am But because of what You've done. I am Yours.

I am Yours. That's who I am.

Jean Valjean, Javert, you, me, we are His and He has redeemed us. And no matter who we think we are, we will always be the love He has put in this world to be a light to others just as He was. We may be imperfect, we may be broken but He has claimed our soul and called us brother and sister. For him, we are a beautiful soul.

Something borrowed ...

What is your concept of time? How do you see time? Where do you see your life or your death on that time concept?

That was what was asked of us at the last Liturgical Renewal Day held a few weeks ago. We were preparing for the season of Advent.

What is Advent? Advent is the time of preparation for the coming of the Lord.

It is that four weeks before Christmas day where we light the four candles in the wreath. One in rose pink stands out signaling that one week remains and it is with great anticipation that we await the coming of Christ.

So, this wait was translated into illustrating our concept of time. We were given many materials ranging from cereal boxes to magazines to paper towel rolls. Some made 3D models of their concept of time. But with so many people, not everyone was able to share what they had made and what their concept of time was.

On that time concept, you had to place yourself - where you see the beginning of life, where it ends and what are your achievements.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit, I created a passbook, one similar to that of a savings account at a bank. My account name was my given name and my opening date was my earthly birth. The credits to my account were the times I came closer to being with God - the times of illness and near death. The debits or the withdrawals were the years spent on earth. My concept of time was borrowed.

Only God knows how long we will live and how long we have to spend on this earth. But we don't know. For me, since I don't know, I think every moment and every minute is borrowed and at the same time a gift.

I could have died in a car accident last Saturday when a car came from nowhere on the highway merging into my lane. But it was not my time yet. Many people die each day, some in their sleep. And that time before they joined the creator is all borrowed.

So, at the opening of my account with God, I received birth bonds: bond of Christ, Love and a life bar shaped liked a gold bar. Similar to a bank, you are able to invest in bonds. The bonds of Christ are the moments in our lives that God has shown Himself and seeks us out so we can be closer to Him. The love of Christ is the interest that grows with every deposit. Deposits being the ways that we make active choices to acknowledge God. Love is free and grows exponentially. The life bar is our life and we receive only one bar when we are born. We are free to do with it as we like.

With Christmas just around the corner, what is it that you are waiting for? What are you preparing for? What is time for you? And how will you spend it?

This Christmas I hope that all of you will have time to reflect on the year past and the coming year. May it be a time dedicated to Christ. May the Child Jesus be the reason for the season and may His love abound in all our families, in our hearts, today and always.

Super shield

"Sometimes before you reveal yourself you need to put on a shield ... "

This was something I heard from a movie I recently watched.

There was a time when I did not think I needed a shield because I possessed all the power and strength. Youth does that to you. You feel invincible like you own the world. Yes, a part of me still believes that but I've been hurt too much to know that sometimes I need to protect myself.

And I do the same for my loved ones.

You see, we were blessed with a very loving mother and she trusts too easily. We have somehow inherited that and because we are only half of her, I am proud to say that we were also gifted with Papa's genes - very wise and a good measurer of people.

But going back to the shield ... Nowadays I maintain a relatively medium height wall for people to climb over. It is a test. One it proves that a person is willing to climb over my wall which means I am worth the effort. This weeds out the faint of heart. Second, the wall is scaleable so that I am not unreachable. So, the winner is the one who at least tries. I give points for effort.

There were instances when my wall was very high and it seemed that the view from the top was very lonely. My mother said, sometimes when people can't come to you, you have to meet them at their level. I have learned that. Like my own medium-height wall, I am willing to scale someone's mighty shield if I think they are worth the effort, especially if I can see that behind the facade is a person bearing great weight and shaking with fear. Until today, I hold that same fear and weight. Although it is a bit lighter.

And once that wall is scaled, there is no turning back. One cannot unsee.

So what was the wall for? What was the shield for? What was so important that it had to be shielded from the public eye?

For some people, they are secrets. Others, disbelief in themselves. For many it is fear - fear of being hurt, fear of being found out that they are not what everybody thinks they are, fear from criticism. The list goes on.

And because once our walls were only knee high, our vulnerabilities were so obvious it was used to hurt us - deliberately or unintentionally. It made us feel insecure, it made us feel less strong, we felt at the mercy of others. Or it could just be irrational fear.

For one reason or another, we felt that we needed to protect ourselves. And so the wall grew and grew so that people could not read us or could not easily use our weaknesses against ourselves.

Then came some people who thought it would be fun to overcome the challenge of the wall. So they climbed. Others lost hope, others would not give up. Carefully, the victors would wear down the walls gently by moving every brick back and forth until it loosened from the cement and was broken away clean. These are the people that respect you and care enough to tug at you when you are ready. They are patient, they understand you and they are willing to wait for the wall to come down.

Then there are those who try to climb the wall by tearing down the foundation. These are people who don't care about you but likes the thrill of the chase. At any cost, they will bring down the wall so they start hacking at you without any qualms. It is these people that makes the walls go higher and higher.

Our shields need not be static walls. They can be drawbridges that shut and close at the face of danger. Generally it is open but once threat is felt it shuts to offer more protection to the innermost you.

The story in the movie I watched ends on a twist: Sometimes, you don't need a shield because being yourself is enough to protect you.

We are given senses by God to know when danger approaches. We feel something is wrong when a suspicious character talks to us. We are on guard when certain people seem to say sweet nothings yet our hearts feel otherwise. Yes, sometimes, it is enough to be us because God equips us with the armor and shields that we need. He says to call on the Holy Spirit in times of trouble and He will push through.

This has happened to me so many times. I have uncanny feelings when I am about to enter into a dangerous situation. Before, I risked entering danger to test the waters. Now, I listen to God's prodding or interpret the signs that God is showing me to know whether what I am about to do is justified or not.

Shields are important because they help protect the innermost you and me. Though sometimes, maintaining a wall is tiresome. Some people will always criticize. Yet there are gems of people that we might be missing out on. And for them and for God's other creations, it is worth the effort to get to know someone even if it means getting hurt. "A" for effort they say.

I'd like to end with a line from "Wicked". Glinda says:

(Glinda) I've heard it saidThat people come into our lives for a reasonBringing something we must learnAnd we are ledTo those who help us most to growIf we let themAnd we help them in returnWell, I don't know if I believe that's trueBut I know I'm who I am todayBecause I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbitAs it passes a sunLike a stream that meets a boulderHalfway through the woodWho can say if I've been changed for the better?But because I knew youI have been changed for good

Because I knew you God - I have been changed for the better, for the good. Thank you ...  May you always be my shield in times of trouble and may you always be with my loved ones.

How awful it would be if we would have to scale a wall to know you Lord. Thank you for being open to us.

Thank you for never tiring from tugging at me brick by brick so I can be who you want me to be - warts and all. 

Psst ...

It's almost 3 a.m. and I was on my way to sleep when suddenly, I got called. I started my night prayers and I prayed that I would get to sleep. After a few minutes, I still couldn't fall asleep. My body was surely ready for sleep but my mind wasn't. Then like Samuel I said "Speak, Lord, I'm listening." I kept listening. I even asked: Do you really want me to write, right now? So I tried sleeping again and too many thoughts were raising through my mind.

So, I am taking to my virtual pen and paper and writing my thoughts.

Some of my pondering went to something that happened earlier. Someone had asked me, how did I know God was calling me to serve. If you'd asked me when I was younger, I would say, I just felt it. If you asked me now, I would say, I heeded the call.

I think we are called in one way or another to do something for His glory. Sometimes, the call gets drowned in the world and most of the time, in our own thoughts. We mistake His voice for ours and dismiss it. But maybe that's why along with our thoughts, we feel stirrings, a certain tug at our hearts. Like somehow, we are being pulled to do something. An internal compass if you'd like.

That's how I know I'm being called. Like right now, I was on my way to sleep when I felt this urge to write. Why would I want to write at 3 in the morning? I would rather sleep. But I felt that I had to write, write down the thoughts that were whirring in my head.

So, I am.

Earlier today, someone said that a way to be closer to God is to be in His presence. What that means to you or me may be different. But it definitely struck me. My life is as busy as most people. It becomes difficult to hear God's voice. God exists everywhere and He communicates to us through any medium - be it nature, a friend, a talk or even a stranger. Heeding the call is another thing.

In that busy-ness we are almost always physically exhausted, yet something seems to be still missing. Do we undertake more responsibilities? Ask God, what is it?

Speak, Lord, I am listening.

I had been off work for a week. I had tendonitis in my right arm. It was the worst thing that could happen to me because I was right-handed and I liked working with my hand.

Then I said: Thank you, God. Thank you for letting this happen so I can be with you. It's not everyday that you get to have a full day with God. It was like a God holiday or what my brother aptly coined: Staycation. It was like a vacation because you had to stay.

My injury also left me very vulnerable. Like most people when they are sick, you imagine the worst. And you feel pity for yourself. It was a test of mortality. We are only here for as long as our body holds up. For a 32-year-old, it is scary. But even then, at least I made it to 32.

I couldn't do most of the things that I could if my hand could function. I couldn't even type. Writing this is even a challenge in itself. Yet, for as long as I can do it, I will. A day may come when I will not be able to write and shame on me for not capitalizing on my ability to do so now.

I still feel quite fragile. Earlier today, I had stomach cramps. It seemed to be emanating from my navel. It scared me a little. But I hope it was just a part of the many nerves affected by my tendonitis.

I am no longer a spring chicken. That I know.

And I don't know if God is telling me to take better care of my body or to do what I can now while I can rather than to wait later when time may not be on my side.

So, it's 3 a.m. and I think my ramblings should come to an end.

Yes, Lord, I heard you ... I hope you call again.

It's alive!!!

It's alive!!! Looking at the page views of this page, I have decided to go back to this medium copying my works into Facebook and hopefully, Google will not decide one day to get rid of it.

I am of course referring to the change in vision of Multiply where I used to religiously post my picture and stories. Now, I have to really take my writing seriously as there is no use not to practise my craft.

Communicate, communicate has been the message for the week and how it plays into leadership. Leadership has been thrust in my face since I was small. I am always hesitant to take a leadership role but I seem to be chosen every time.

So, why alive? Alive because I have found the veins in my blood screaming words. Words that need to be written down. And whether the medium is Multiply, Facebook or blogger, words must flow.

And I have to communicate them well so that I can give birth to my masterpiece.

Thank you Multiply for being there for me when I needed a canvass for my work. I hope that you will find a new peace in  your new chosen field.

How many ticks do you need to do at a time?

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? (Mt 6:25-27, NIV 2011)

That was a question asked by a psychiatrist to a clock who had a nervous breakdown.


At church last Sunday the Gospel was about not worrying. Fr Richard began his homily by a witty anecdote about a clock who was new and had had a nervous breakdown because he worried about the ticks and tocks he had to make in his lifetime. Tick tock for every second. That would be two for a second, 120 for a minute and so on and so forth. The thought of having to tick so many times in his lifetime overwhelmed him and this eventually led him to worry and not to function as a clock anymore.


He went to see a psychiatrist to whom he recounted his worries and the doctor asked the same question above. How many ticks do you need at a time? The clock answered: ONE. The doctor said so just focus on one tick at a time. The clock then went home happy.


Fr Richard reminds that it's not that we shouldn't make plans for the future but to not let worry get in the way of living our lives.


===


Since I learned of the word worrywart, I have assigned it to myself. I have been a worrier all my life, sometimes if not always poring over trivial matters. I run myself down with every worry, almost like a hypochondriac of worries only to be relieved that not even one third, if none, of my worries would ever materialize.


I have tried to limit my worrying to a bare minimum but sometimes I still go down that road especially when I'm unsure of myself. I look to these verses in Matthew to give me strength and I feel God reassure me that He will take care of me and that I should not worry my head silly over things HE has control over.


I think it is very human to worry because we want to control what happens to our lives. But to what extent can worry help us to achieve our goals? At the start, it can prompt you to act so that the worry disappears. But it is problematic when we stop at worrying, when worrying becomes an obsession and we lose sleep over what we worry about - what to eat, what to cook, where to get this and that, how to achieve this, etc. And it becomes a vicious cycle of doubt, worry, unbelief in one's self, feeling overwhelmed, non-action. Sometimes, when worry becomes too much, instead of acting, we stop. We stop because we tell ourselves that what we do will not matter anyway.


I'm reminded by another story that Boots told me of how her dad told her mom not to cram into a crowded train. Sometimes, God has something better in store for us and it's just up to us to let go of our worries. Another train came past and it was empty and her parents were able to sit comfortably.


Another witty comment from a friend, Luige said: IF you have a problem, then remove the problem. It seemed like a really practical solution.


So, what is the point of worrying when we have a Father who promises to provide for us and all our needs. And how many of us have lengthened our lives with worrying? At best, it serves to shorten it by making us lose precious time poring over our worries and stressing us and causing us sickness.


Which brings me to my final point: The King's Speech. Watching this movie is again another Godsent as God's message for me is to write about not worrying. King George VI stammered because of his many fears. He had to struggle with the unbelief in himself and not believing that he would be king some day. There was a part in the movie where his wife, Elizabeth, said tick-tock. This reminded me of Father's homily and an affirmation that we should live for every tick and not get ahead of ourselves, worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow may not even come.


So, instead of worrying, live for the moment for it may never come again.

The greatest obstacle to man is his unbelief in himself

That was a quote I learned in French class today.

Today, I will talk about the discipline of believing in one's self and putting the right amount of time and energy to what you believe to be worthwhile.

I chanced upon Gemma Hayes, a world-renowned Irish singer, two Saturdays ago as I lay in bed recovering from sickness. I was looking around Google when she showed up. I was happy to watch because I love acoustic music. During her interview before the start of her concert she was asked how she came by her music and where she drew inspiration. She replied that you have to be in the act of songwriting to have a breakthrough song. She said you can't wait for inspiration to come while doing nothing.

This brings me back to my title that the greatest obstacle to man is his own unbelief in himself. I was just listening to Lady Gaga's Born this Way and it said that God does not make mistakes and for whatever you believe yourself to be, you are who you are because you are special and are meant to do something in this world. You just have to believe in yourself.

Few and far between really believe they can make it in the world. Some act tough, some put on facades and others accept their weakness and it is in that acceptance of limitations that sets you free from the expectations of others. Others blame other people for what they can or cannot achieve. But what about if you don't expect anything from yourself? That is the obstacle. That unbelief is best hidden somewhere where achievement can't be infected by it.

We often downplay our skills, we play coy or have false humility for fear of what other people would say. I would like to quote a verse from the Bible from Matthew 5:15 that asks why we should hide a lamp under a bowl.

15 (A)No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.

And so we are all called to be a light to others. That light is inherent in each one of us because God made us so. And it is up to us to show it or to hide it. But rest assured, the light exists.

It is quite uncanny how God helps me to write my Tuesday notes because He sends people to give me messages that have the same theme.

Tonight, my mamu called and said that we should celebrate our similarities and our goal to achieve the common good. She sang a song "You are beautiful, you are loved, you are forgiven by the mercy of God". We are alike in that we all have the light of God in us but we are different in that each light is unique and serves to light the paths of others on the same journey as us. Let us celebrate our likeness of light. And let our combined light be a beacon to a world sometimes enveloped by darkness. One of which is the unbelief that we truly matter in this world.

To quote Lady Gaga through Boots "I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way, Don't hide yourself in regret, Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way".

Let your light shine.

The second part of the discipline is to have enough fuel to keep the light. If you don't feed a fire charcoal or wood, it dies. The same is true with our passions and our lights. We have to continuously put time and energy into the things that are worthwhile to us whether a cause or a charity or a craft. Whatever it may be, what is important is that we use that light to lighten the roads ahead, whether ours or others, whether solitary or in unison.

So, keep at that craft. Put in the midnight oil. Someday, it will all come to fore, what those late nights of work or discernment mean.

Feed your passion so that one day you will reap its fruits.

Believe in yourself.

in the mood ... for love

Today marks the start of rehearsals for the choir concerts of John 23. One of the songs to be sung is In the mood by the Andrews sisters. I was supposed to write about just that when Boots said to write about love or beauty. Hmm. I thought what a great idea since Valentine's was just two days ago and love is an eternal topic that can be discussed at any time.

Last Sunday, the Singles for Christ girls had another Princess Diaries. One of the talks is about how God loves us and that He desires to pursue us as He has been doing since our birth. The heart of a woman is fashioned after God's and the basic desires of women are: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure and to unveil beauty.

From the talk, women want to be pursued and to be wanted. And we want to share in a great adventure because we are relational beings. But women shouldn't be copycats of each other or be like somebody because being yourself is enough. Just BE it said, you don't have to strive because being you is special enough. The third desire is to unveil the beauty that is inherent in each woman. God created us in His image and likeness and He does not create ugly people - inside or outside. And both have equal weight. We are called to be beautiful spiritually and physically. How do we unveil this beauty you ask? Simple. Use your beauty, inside or outside to inspire others. And use that beauty to also bring out the beauty in each woman. Use that beauty to attract people to God. But you must believe you have that beauty because no amount of praises will let you believe what you do not believe in yourself.

God created us beautiful beings. Women were the crowning glory of creation. He saw something missing. The world is incomplete without women.

The desires planted in our hearts is paralleled by the men's desires to fight a battle, to live out a great adventure and to rescue a beauty. But if you are not inclined for that, we have a God that calls out to us, pursuing us everyday of our lives and providing for our needs. A God that wants to share in our adventure and a God who is beauty himself wanting to unveil that same beauty in each of us.

So this month of February is not just bringing us in the mood for love and receiving love but also gearing us towards unveiling that beauty that is inherent in us. It doesn't have to be February though to let somebody feel they are loved and that they are beautiful.

So for you: the crowning glory of Creation - You are loved and you are beautiful. Be. Believe. Love.

expectant faith

Have you ever wanted something so bad? Have you prayed for it? Have you thought of not praying for it because you know you won't get it? Or were you so sure you would get it even if you didn't ask for it?



Which one are you?



In many of the talks I have heard, whether in the Couples for Christ community or in the Light of Jesus Community, from Bo, from the priests, we are taught to seek, knock and ask God for the things we want to receive. It's a simple as asking and knowing that it's yours once you've asked.



But do you have doubts? Are you unsure whether God will grant it to you?



Ask yourself, would God want me to have this? If it is good for you, why not?



We are taught to have expectant faith - the sort of faith that already claims the promises that God will us - plans to prosper us, not to do us harm and give us a good future (Jeremiah 29:11).



This verse has been a mainstay in my life ever since it was introduced to me in 2005 by a good friend at the ILO. I was so worried about getting a job or keeping a job in a land so far away that would help me be independent as well as help my family. And Tita Virgie gave me this verse and I stuck in on my wall. I looked at it daily and it comforted me that God would grant the desires of my heart to be able to have a job to help my family. And He did grant it.



Every year since 2005, on my birthday, God has given me a career improvement. If not a promotion, a step increase on my salary. And I continue to claim that He will give me blessings not just on my birthday but every day of my life.



I remember praying to be like my best friend Jam. She was able to provide for her family ever since she graduated from college. I wished I could do the same for my family. And I saw the letter I wrote to my mom telling her how much I wanted to help our family. And God knowing the desires of my heart, has given me a job that allows me to help my family until today. It is a great blessing.



It brings tears to my eyes to know that God is one step ahead of our needs - that even before asking, it is already given to us. Just the same, it's still nice to be asked. Maybe that's what God just wants - to be asked so He knows He is important to us.



"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? (New International Version (©1984)) - Luke 11:11



And who among us is worthy? Compared to God and His perfectness, we cannot dare to measure up. But in Luke, God again reassures us that as children of the One Father, He will only give us what is good for us and not what will harm us.



So, I encourage you to have expectant faith. To claim what is yours by the right of God's goodness. To know that all of us are worthy of His goodness and blessings, whoever and whatever we are. We are His beloved children.



Seek and ye shall find, ask and it shall be given unto thee.

precious shower and pee-ay

my most favourite part of the house is, apart from the kitchen, the bathroom. i've seen a lot of anecdotes about the bathroom or the toilet like "if you treat me nicely, i won't tell of what i've seen". it's funny but the bathroom has been a place of solace for me, where i can shut out the world and just be. it's the place i go to cry, to pray, to listen to my thoughts. i love taking showers and baths and i love to listen to the therapeutic pitter patter of the water. it reminds me of rain and the calm it gives me.

today was a very hectic day both at work and at home. i had plenty chores to do and a lot of cooking as well. i did everything at one time and i know it would leave me depleted but i thought i should get everything out of the way so i can sit quietly. one thing after the other and it's just now that i get to write. i got my epiphany while i was in the shower. i got my idea to write about how important it is to be alone with one's thought and to find that place that lets you think. for me - it's the bathroom. i love to go to the toilet so much, my monicker became pee-ay. when i was in college, my icon for my name was a toilet. such was my affinity, if not nature's call to commune in what the philippines call "the rest room". indeed, one can find rest in the bathroom, whether natural or emotional. it's a place of release, where you can be yourself. just let it all out figuratively and otherwise.

the shower left me fresh physically and prepared me mentally for my tasks at hand.

when i was under the "rain", i also thought of the more than showerlike floods brought on by torrential rains in queensland. my office roommate is from there and her mum's place is threatened to flood. i remember when typhoon ondoy hit the philippines and left many people stranded, homeless and lifeless. the showers of nature serves as a wake-up call much like a shower wakes you up from sleep. natural disasters are uncontrollable. it is also unpredictable. only so much can be done to prepare. but one can still prepare.

how can one prepare for the deluge of nature and life?

one way is to embrace it. much like the shower i took, i let it envelop me as it washed away the dirt and fatigue of my body. the deluge of life can be momentary or drawn out. it depends on you. the flood serves to wash away the unnecessary and let's you think what is really important in life. after ondoy hit the philippines, many people were left with the bare essentials. they managed and some did not want for what they do not have but was thankful for another chance at life. floods also clear away nature's landscape, making way for the new.

another is to reflect. what caused the deluge, how can it be prevented? how much should i invest in rebuilding? is it worth it? how has it affected me? how can i move on?

the final is to act. after embracing the deluge of life, reflect and learn and then act. now that the deluge is over, what is left to pick up? what is there to throw away? how will you move on?

what deluge are you experiencing now?

Are you ready?

"Kung wala ang puso mo sa pagluluto, bumili ka na lang sa karinderya. Nalalasahan sa pagkain ang puso ng gumawa nito." - from Litsonero, 2010

That was a line taken from the movie Litsonero where a young aspiring chef learns how to cook lechon and has to ensure that he cooks it well and that it tastes good. His future depended on it.

There is a line in the movie that asks "handa ka na ba?" on the eve of his cook-off. And the same question echoed in my mind when I was in Lyon, France this weekend.

I partook of a pilgrimage to install the replica of Nuestra Senora de La Naval Manila in the Notre Dame de Fouvrière in Lyon. Desiring to catch a glimpse of the Virgin Mary as she made her journey to the crypt where she would be kept and where devotees can come visit her, I ran to see her face. Not successful, I followed the mob taking her to her final resting place. I had not planned on going so far. I had nothing with me, no bag, no camera. I had left it upstairs in the main body of the church with a friend of mine.

Before I knew it, I was at the front of the mob, standing next to the president of the foundation that maintains the statues of the Virgin Mary from all over the world - India, Poland, Portugal, among others - the Philippine ambassador, the archbishop of Lyon, the entourage of diplomatic personnel and many more. I had no camera!!!

All I could do was take mental pictures. And I know how those mental negatives tend to fade over time. The colour wears out and sometimes, the picture is totally erased. It depends on the age of the human camera and if has a high resolution and high memory capacity.

This had happened to me before. Pope John Paul II was so close and I didn't have a camera on me - at least that one could decipher the Pope. I had my low technology phones which could only give you VGA-quality images.

There's a saying "where two or more Filipinos are gathered, there is picture-taking". Our culture is one of no show no tell. Show me the picture and I will believe you.

And I had nothing to show for myself after standing there amidst everything.

Handa ka na ba? echoes in my ear.

Readiness is a state of being and a state of resources. It's difficult to be ready for everything. Sometimes, we're caught off guard and don't know how to react to certain situations. What if it was Jesus who had come that day instead of the image? Would I go back to my bag and take a picture of Him or would I try to be at the front of the queue so I could finally see this man they called Jesus.

In Litsonero, what if he didn't learn under the tutelage of a master lechonero? Would he have triumphed and achieved his dream?

Going back to the quote, consequently, how much heart do we put in into the things we want to do? Can anyone who comes across it feel your heart in it?

How often have we been unprepared, just winging it? Does the expression "Bahala na" ring a bell?

What am I trying to say? What if God came today, would I be ready? Would you be ready? Could God see how much heart we put into Him??
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happy birthday papa.

i put a stop at the end because papa is no longer with us in this life. today, he would have been 54.

i don't know much about my father except through the stories that his siblings have told me. i knew a different side of him. i wish i had known him when he was younger so that i could see what he went through.

i feel that my father went through a lot of hardships. mamu said he started working at the age of 7 and subsequently became a scholar of the priests. he was able to finish school and even enter law school. it was there that he and mamu met.

and they both had to stop because our eldest sibling was conceived.

my knowledge of papa was limited to his anger, his paranoia and the abuses he had done to us. but i also reflect on the sweet moments when i would go fishing with him. i love fishing and he did too. it was what we shared in common. he was also a great disciplinarian and we have him to thank for our good manners. papa was also our biggest fan during his moments of sobriety. he would scream at the top of his lungs at mcdonalds at the end of every term that his children were the best and he was proud of us and we were top of the class. i loved it when he treated us to mcdo and made us feel like we were the best children in the world.

i think we have him to thank for great faith too. i always thank God that papa had that effect on us. and i hope because of that, papa would make it to heaven. his life on earth was very difficult. although we tried to share in the journey, he preferred to go on his way alone. i hope that he is now resting at the lap of our Papa in heaven.

happy birthday papa.

Tuesdays with P.A.?

I once read a book called Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. It spoke of a man who was slowly dying of a terminal illness and he asked a former student (Mitch) to do his biography. The major lesson of the book is that at all stages of our lives, we will need people.

The other day, I was suffering from muscle spasms on my left arm. I've been having muscle spasms on my arms lately. In my line of work, it is expected as we use our hands all the time. It is our worthiest part of the body. Another colleague from another section commented before that if we should ever break a fall, we should never use our hands because that would mean we couldn't work.

If you are wondering what we do, we are text processors. We treat text all day long on the computer, bashing out corrections, dictations, proofreading, etc. Mainly, we use our hands as an extension of our brain.

So back to my aching left arm. I love working with my hands and it pains me to not have the use of both of them. Imagine trying to go to the loo (or toilet) with only one hand? If you are Filipino, you need both to clean yourself. One holding the dipper (or tabo) and the other ... well may be you already know what it would do.

It was difficult enough to try to put up my pants by myself after using the toilet, let alone, trying to prepare food with only your right hand. I was very thankful that my roommate helped me open a packet of youghourt and assist me in eating it. Otherwise, I would have gone to sleep hungry.

This brings me back to Morrie's Tuesdays with Mitch recounting how at every stage of our lives, we need people. This is so true. No matter how independent you think you are, at one stage in your life, there is bound to be an occasion where you would need another person to help you, whether to hold the elevator door open as you get in, give you a hand if you fall in the middle of the street, lift your heavy luggage so it can fit into the overhead cabin and many more. No matter how mundane the task, when you're unable to to accomplish it because you don't have all your faculties with you, it becomes a Herculean effort.

It is a humbling experience to be needy and all the more when you don't have all your faculties around you. I am thankful that God has given me good and kind people around me so that if I can't move my left arm to help myself, He would give me a human representation of His hands to help me.

And for this, I am truly thankful to Him, who not only gives me His hands but His life so that I may live.

Sacred Tuesday

Last Sunday, I attended a retreat that said to protect that quiet time with Jesus because it is the time you communicate with Him. I must admit, I have been remiss in having quiet time with Him or even with myself for the longest time. It is so easy to get caught up in the running and routines of the day that the only memory you have is waking up and sleeping - in between seems like a blur like you were on auto pilot.

An opportunity presented itself when Tuesdays opened up for me and it became my sacred time. My roommate Boots said that I had not written for a while and that it was talent wasted and since my Tuesdays was my freest day, I should make it my quiet time. I confess that I have not written here or anywhere else. A year ago, I was a prolific writer with two to three entries per day and now, I have been a desert of words. I've missed it and even feel scared to write. I also neglected that sacred hour before bed to commune with God and read His Word.

I have left my craft untended for too long. And it wasn't easy to get this time to write. I had just decided to have and it almost didn't come true. I had a meeting today but it was rescheduled for Wednesday and I already had another training on Wednesday sot that would mean I was double-booked. I had forgotten that there was another meeting I was supposed to attend today but after consultation with a friend, I was reminded that I should guard my quiet time and I did. So I decided to stay at home and try to sit down and have that moment where I can just let go and let God. Part of that exercise is writing here because it is here where I've written most of God's messages and where I can see the stirrings of my heart and mind on virtual paper. It almost didn't happen as we had a visitor who came unannounced. It was a blessing in disguise as our friend brought us dinner meaning neither of us had to cook and I could have my quiet time soon. After dinner, lo and behold, I find myself in the kitchen looking at my plants and watering them. I couldn't sit down. I told myself that I need to get cracking at my keyboard if I were to write anything at all. It is so easy to get carried away.

So on Tuesdays when my time with God becomes sacred, I also take time to unleash the passion that God gave me. To paraphrase Boots, I will let the paper bleed from love of its pen. She said that when paper is written on, it is true love as it lends its pristine self to be penetrated by the pen.

Today, blood is spilt and transfers from pen to paper and in communion they give birth to magical words that tell of the Wanderer's Tales.

a certain degree of callousness (28.02.2007)

i found this in my diary and i don't remember if i posted it before. i wrote it as i was staying in the nikko hotel in narita, japan on my way to go home to geneva from the philippines.

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a certain degree of callousness

saying goodbye requires a certain degree of callousness of heart that enables a person to go on to the next part of the journey invariably intact. goodbyes have the tendency to break the heart and wet the eyes as it wells ups with tears of the thought of imminent separation or departure.

yes, a certain degree of callousness is required when you leave the people you love. just enough to dll the pain or to keep one sane from the suffering of breaking apart or being apart.

just how much callous must one envelop his or her heart so that contact will be cherished but removal won't be so searing?

just a certain degree, enough to let go when the time comes to say goodbye.

When Trying Again Makes the Difference by M. Blaine Smith

When Trying Again
Makes the Difference
Finding God's Best Through Simple Persistence
M. Blaine Smith

When I became a Christian at 19, one of my strongest hopes was that God would quickly make marriage a reality for me. I was certain I was ready for a permanent relationship. Surely within the affirming atmosphere of Christian fellowship I would learn the secret of winning a woman's hand for life.

After two stunning disappointments, I concluded that I wasn't learning very well. Late one night in desperation I woke a pastor friend from sleep, and poured out my frustrations to him. "What's wrong with me?" I asked. "What do I need to change to keep this from happening again?"

His response was startling: "Maybe the chemistry simply wasn't right," he said. "You may not need to change a thing." His answer wasn't terribly satisfying. It would have been easier to have some concrete problem to work on.

Another friend whom I greatly respected responded with one of those annoying spiritual clich�s: "When you've found the right woman, there won't be a whole lot you can do to keep the relationship from working out."

When I began dating Evie Kirkland several years later, there wasn't a whole lot I could do to keep the relationship from working out. We had problems and issues to work through, as is true in every relationship. Little about me and my approach to relationships had changed, though--yet for some reason the relationship was working (after thirty years, it still is).

The Missing Element

Sometimes when we fail, there are clear lessons to be learned. In seminary I once flunked a course because I didn't include any primary sources in the term paper. I learned it was a good idea to include primary sources in a term paper.

In my years of writing for publication I've had manuscripts rejected and several sent back for revision. Such responses from publishers have always been frustrating. Yet in every case I've learned volumes from editors' comments about how to communicate with readers more effectively. I cherish now the growth that has come through each of these experiences of disappointment.

But there are times when failure doesn't mean that we've done anything wrong. It is simply that God's time for success hasn't yet come for us. God isn't telling us to change the way we do things, but to wait on him--and in time to try again. There is a mystery to God's timing that we can never fully understand, anymore than we know why one seed takes root and another doesn't (Eccl 11:6). But one thing is certain: we're often ready to abandon a dream long before giving up is justified.

Once shortly after Jesus' resurrection, Peter and the disciples spent an entire night fishing, but caught nothing (Jn 21:1-8). In the morning, Jesus appeared on the shore and shouted to these weary, discouraged men, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat." They obeyed, and their net quickly filled to capacity with fish. What is striking is that Jesus didn't tell them to do anything that they hadn't already been doing. He didn't advise them to change a thing. Undoubtedly, they had spent half the night dangling the net over their boat's right side! But now they had the one missing element--the command of Christ--and with that they succeeded.

Not Changing a Thing

The worst part about failure is that it can cause us to become dreadfully introspective. We browbeat ourselves, wondering, what is it about me that caused this miserable situation? What can I change to keep from blowing it again?

When failure offers obvious lessons, we need to learn them and move on. But sometimes a different dynamic is at work. Christ is speaking to you and me as he did with his disciples, telling us to cast the net on the right side. He's saying, "Don't do anything differently- -simply do it again; this time, because I'm telling you to do it, your efforts will be successful."

But how can we know when Christ is prompting us to try again, and when he wants us to abandon a goal altogether? We can't always be certain. God's timing is a mystery, and this is part of what makes the Christian life an adventure. But I believe there is a rule of thumb we should follow in most cases: If we have undertaken a goal out of the conviction that God wants us to pursue it, then we should put the burden of proof on him to show us if we should bail out. Barring strong evidence, we ought to assume he wants us to stay the course. We should remember that God not only wants to teach us lessons through failure but to develop resilience in us--a willingness to forge ahead in the face of risk and challenge.

Do It Again

Genesis records a time when Isaac and his servants made three attempts to dig for water in the valley of Gerar. On the first two occasions, native herdsmen quarreled with them over property rights, and Isaac's men had to abandon the wells after putting considerable effort into digging them. But their third try succeeded, and this time the herdsmen offered no resistance. Isaac named that well Rehoboth ("a broad place"), declaring, "Now the Lord has given us room, and we shall flourish in the land" (Gen 26:19-22).

Less hardy souls would have given up after the first or second try, concluding that God didn't want them to succeed.

In their classic book In Search of Excellence, Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman observe that the oil companies which are most successful in finding oil typically are not the ones with the best equipment or the most competent staff. Rather, they are those which dig the most wells! Persistence is the critical factor separating the firms that succeed from the ones that don't.

Yes, it is often difficult to know when we should try again in the wake of failure. It can be even harder to find the courage to make another try. Yet we can meet these challenges when our relationship with Christ is strong and growing. Nothing helps us more than spending regular time alone with Christ, in which we allow him to clarify his will and to stir up our determination. Ask God to give you a heart that is encouraged in Christ and the resolve to take bold steps of faith for him. It's in that spirit that we can best understand when he's saying, "Cast the net on the right side."

God wants hope to characterize our lives. We should expect that he will often call us to try again in the face of disappointment. Casting the net on the right side is a vital principle of the Christian life.

===

I received this from a mailing group I belong to and it came at just the right time. So many times, the easy answer is to give up, but after reading this, it helped me change my perspective and lift up to God the plans He has for me. Difficult and challenging life may be, with God commanding us to throw the net on the right side makes all the difference.

Overcoming disability

That seemed to be the message of God for me this week ...

Yesterday evening, I was privileged to watch Jeffrey Tate conduct the Orchestre de la Suisse Romande (OSR). Tate was born with a spinal condition called spina bifida which is taken from Latin meaning "split spine". As I got into the hall, I saw him conducting sitting in an elevated swivel chair with one foot on the ground and the other rested on the foot rest of the chair. His left shoulder was lower than his right shoulder and he seemed to have a hunchback on the right side. He swung his baton up and down forming a diagonal line from left to right shoulder. I also saw a cane hanging from the conductor's stand indicating he walked with a cane.

He conducted John Mark Ainsley, a tenor who sang Benjamin Britten's nocturne for tenor (7 instruments and strings, op. 60) and Jean Sibelius' Symphony No. 2 in D Major, op. 43.

I didn't know who Jeffrey Tate was and neither did I knew he had a disability.

I was vaguely aware that there was a meeting on persons with disabilities. Looking at the UN schedule of meetings in Geneva, from 19-23 October, was the UN human rights' (OHCHR) second session of the Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities. I say vaguely because I noticed we had more disabled people around the grounds. Usually, if there was a meeting on the rights of indigenous peoples, you'd also see people dressed in their native attire. So, I figured there must have been a meeting.

Then seeing Jeffrey Tate, who was disabled, I figured, they must've chosen him to close the session of the meetings and to top off the yearly concert of the OSR at Victoria Hall on the anniversary of the United Nations.

Today's gospel was about Bartimaeus who was a blind man who sat on a dirt road begging and shouted out to Jesus as He walked by to heal him. Jesus, moved by the faith of this man, healed him and said "Your faith has saved you". (Mk 10:52)

Later on today, at the Marian Conference I attended, I heard a testimony of one woman, who everybody knew as a jolly lady who had risen from her past trauma. She had a bipolar mother and a womanizing father, who eventually left them and she was sexually abused as a child and only recovered a few years back. You wouldn't be able to tell that she underwent these trials in life if you met her because she always seems so happy and jolly.

All of the stories I mentioned speak of disability. Some physical others spiritual. Tate initially took up medicine but gave it up because he wanted to pursue music. How difficult it must have been to conduct with lopsided shoulders? I don't know if it hurts but even if one doesn't have a disability, beating a baton for hours on end is tiresome. Try holding up your arm at shoulder height, bending your elbow for even 5 minutes and see how it feels. But his disability didn't stop him from pursuing what he really wanted. He probably beat the odds.

Second, Bartimaeus' leaped from his place, disregarding his cloak - who, from Fr. Richard's sermon, was a sign of letting go as for a blind person, his cloak is everything. It protects him from cold and it is his home during the night. But he didn't care because he believed that God would heal him and the benefits were far greater than a blanket but recovered sight.

Third was a story of a woman so broken, she wanted to take her own life. She was paralyzed by the ghosts of her past which almost ruined her marriage and destroyed all hope. But after joining a Christian community during her youth, she began the healing process and the road to full recovery took almost 30 years. It required a lot of faith and a lot of help from family and friends and brothers and sisters in community.

I feel blessed and inspired at how these people have overcome their disabilities.

Often we think, the world or even God dealt us a bad hand in life. I'm too ugly, I'm too short, I'm not good enough, why do I have this family, and so on and so forth. I don't have a good nose! I often hear this from people who look perfectly fine to me, no real physical disabilities whatsoever but complains of the blessing that is their healthy bodies. Then I meet a blind girl who shares her singing talent giving testimony to God's love for her. I meet a blind man who translates at the UN. I see a conductor with a spinal problem leading an orchestra producing angelic music. I cried listening to them play because it was so beautiful. The movement of the music as he conducted was really wonderful. As he points to each section to play, I feel the rising and lowering of each note. He received three call backs after the concert as the audience ceaselessly clapped. I hear of a hearing-impaired man playing piano at church.

Their lives are testimonies to God's never-ending goodness to create something wonderful from what initially seems to be a curse.

We often create our own disabilities that paralyze us. There are our insecurities, our fears, our hangups, all those things that stop us from fully realizing our potential. But the stories prove that nothing is impossible with God.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church 153-158, "The ability to see beyond the present is wisdom. To see beyond the possible is faith, a grace from God. The Spirit of God empowers us with spiritual intuition and insight. We cannot arrive at faith by ourselves."

This is true because God doesn't force us to believe. It is a choice. In the same way, it is a choice for us to rise up from the things that cripple our bodies and spirits. With God, everything is possible. Faith in God can help us get to that place where the impossible becomes possible.

last day at work ...

today was my last day working for the english text processing unit of the language services of the conference management division of the united nations office at geneva ... phew! a mouthful!!! but more than a mouthful is the love and appreciation i felt working with my colleagues.

i shared with my colleagues that it was a job worth getting up for. i never dreaded going into work and i would actually look forward to going and spending the day with the people i work with. and because we work in text processing, we saw the product of our labours every single day. day in and day out, we would produce finalized copies of conference papers, resolutions from all types of meetings including the infamous economic commission for europe (ece) documents that regulated and standardized fruits and vegetables to the more disturbing transport of dangerous goods.

i learned a lot on this job ... and i really felt appreciated ... and my boss interrupts me, "so why are you leaving? i thought you were intelligent." to that i just politely chuckled and smiled. because i knew the answer, it was time to move on because opportunity had presented itself.

i got a promotion. that promotion was God's hands at work. it was one day in may after getting back from holidays in the philippines that the head of personnel called me. he asked if i was interested in a possible move and a promotion. i said "yes" because it's not every day that you get asked that question. so i went to see him and he asked "why didn't you apply for this position?" honestly ... i didn't even know there was such a vacancy.

as a backgrounder ... i had prayed earlier on, i don't remember if it was the same week or month, because i had started getting bored at work. i wasn't usually like that. so, i prayed that if He willed it that i would be able to get another job. the problem was, i never applied for anything because i never really looked at vacancies. and here was my answer. how good is God to answer my prayer so quickly even if i did not lift a finger to realize my prayer. and to not act at this stage would probably be smiting Him. so, i applied and was e-mailed for an interview. after the interview, months had passed. i knew the post was due to be filled on sept. 1 but i had not received any indication that i had gotten it so i applied for leave and went home to surprise my mom on my bday. my boss granted me the leave maybe because she had wanted me to stay. she knew i was offered another job.

i went home thinking nothing about the other job offer. when i got back to work, all of a sudden, my boss calls me in. she shows me an e-mail saying that i had gotten the promotion and she didn't know whether to say congratulations or not. she said to think about it. i thought about it.

i accepted the post because this was the answer to my prayer. even if it is scary to start in a new place with totally new responsibilities, i have to because it will help me gain new experience and broaden my horizons.

and to top of my leaving, my colleagues planned a surprise farewell that left me crying. they even gave me a watch. the regular watch i used to wear stopped working at 12 noon yesterday. and a friend showed great insight and said ...

"the watch is really a reminder of God's perfect timing. and perfect plan."

she was right. everything happened in perfect timing down to my getting my marching orders just yesterday, a day before my last day. i got my official memo from personnel saying i had been promoted and a call from my new boss saying i will start come monday morning.

i wasn't able to take any pictures of the farewell because it didn't occur to me to take pictures. i was so happy to be among them eating and talking that i forgot.

after the party, i cleaned up the rest of my stuff. i had already cleared my other things the day before. i now needed to say goodbye to my office with its wonderful view of the lake. i was supposed to savour it and walk out slowly. but my colleague offered me a ride home and having to carry much, i obliged. but i didn't feel right. i almost forgot i was supposed to run an errand and had to catch the store before it closed, so again, i got home in time to buy what i had to and then still make my way back to say my goodbye properly to my desk and chair and view, take my last call on my office telephone, and to walk out slowly from the unog ... up the hill and out its gates ...

on monday i will be starting at the documents processing unit of the office of the united nations high comissioner for human rights ... where the old league of nations used to be seated.

a new chapter begins ...