Sunday, April 01, 2007

the countdown

everything boils down to time. how much time do you have for this? how much time do you have for that? time is an inevitable part of the equation at any stage of life - or death.

in a few weeks, my mom will finally leave switzerland. it will be the fulfilment of my dream to stand alone, be independent. be away from parental guidance. be myself. my mom has never been strict with me. she's not very hard on me at all. and with her leaving, i will miss every little fight we had, the endless conversations that are picked up in the morning in case sleep got in the way. i feel scared. but i know it's part of growing up.

i won't have my sounding board so close at hand. i won't have my kakulitan. no one will understand me the way she does. she's the only one that laughs at all my jokes. we have the same sense of humour. i feel sad. now, i have to contend with time differences. i hope that i will be able to make it. i get terribly homesick. i hope that i can manage the time that i will be away from my family. tita minda will be left with me but it won't be the same as having a full house. even with just christopher, my youngest brother, here it's enough to make the house as raucous. now, i have to contend with silence and a limited space where tita and i can see each other's every move. i have to get a new phone line. i have to apply for cable. i have to do everything. it wouldn't be such a burden if everything was done in english. but there's also a language barrier. i still haven't improved my french!

but time ... time winds down at the most crucial of moments. it seems to tick faster at the time you want more of it. and it seems to prolong every second when you want it to be quicker. time. the invaluable part of the equation.

***

MY BROTHER'S LAW BAR EXAM .... waiting ...

2 comments:

danceordropdead said...

Changes at home? Same thing here. From 3 people living in one house - it jumps to 10 the next day. Fun.

nikz said...

Awwhh missy... I send you my hugs and support! Not so easy nga naman, maybe one day I'll face what you're going through too ... At least you have part of your family still residing with you =) (Could've been otherwise...) I will miss Tita too, she's so warm and welcoming. Any surprise farewell parties anytime soon? XD