Sunday, May 21, 2006

"What a waste"

Not a lot of people have openly expressed disappointment about what I'm doing right now. It's not to say they don't like it, they just think it's a waste of my talents. It's the first time I actually heard it out loud. She said "what a waste" when I told her I worked in the English typing pool at the UN. As if it wasn't bad enough that I've been feeling frustrated the past few days because I know that I could really be doing something more suited to my skills. But I have no choice at the moment. I haven't had proper time to look for other jobs and I can't afford to take time off so I can look for one. It's one thing chained to another thing and it becomes a vicious cycle of cannots.

I just hope I can get out of this rut soon. I look at where my batchmates are right now and I compare myself, which I shouldn't do. Everyone is different and we make different choices. Right now, I still don't know what I want to do in life. Five years ago, I was so sure. I planned to finish my master's degree and I was going to be some big shot somewhere. Well, I didn't know exactly where but I was going to be.

I'm at the UN now with a clerical job. Some people would say it's a real blessing. It is of course and the pay is not bad. But there is still something missing. As I go through the tedious task of encoding corrections after corrections from the translators, I am inclined to think - can I do better? Shouldn't I be doing something more?

I guess I compensate with all the extracurricular activities that I do. But it still doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm just complaining. But I really hope that something will come of my life soon. Something I can truly say I love to do. Something I can do for the rest of my life.

3 comments:

riadiosa said...

dear, ikaw ang nagsabi sa akin na we stick to the decisions we make. kahit na hindi tayo ang unang magbebenefit. sigurado namang magiging bigshot ka, natatraffic ka lang papunta dun. take care always. =)

p.a. said...

thanks dear. i will keep that in mind as mama continuously reminds me of it. we should be thankful for being in a position to help.

bigdaddi said...

maraming gustong makapasok sa UN. Alam mo bang kung ilan CV nare-receive ang UN everyday? People would kill just to get a job sa UN. I know you're over-qualified sa job mo ngayon but you're on the 3rd level and the top is just steps away. Pasalamat na lang tayo sa Big bossing sa taas. We are still breathing at healthy. Hwag mong pansinin yung mga nagsabi sa iyo nyan. Basta ang importante marami kang natutulungan at maraming kang natatangap na blessing. Hayaan mo silang magreklamo ng "waste of talent" sa himpilan ng polisya.
over and out.