From Year of Mercy to Year of Peace

For the first time in three years, I was able to celebrate Christmas and New Year in my native land. One of the advantages of coming home is going to our neighbourhood parish which is only a 7-minute walk from the house.

On Christmas day, the priest recounted an anecdote about the many traditions we hold in our families to celebrate the Feast of the Nativity of Christ. One of the more common tradition we have is the giving of gifts. The priest told of his experience with his 5-year-old granddaughter who handed out the gifts to all the family members and then lingered around the tree. She looked under and over looking for something until the priest-grandfather asked, "What are you looking for?" the little girl answered "I'm looking for the gift for Jesus. It's His birthday." Dumbfounded, the priest held this in his heart until today - 10 years on. I heard this message. 

Sometimes, we are so preoccupied about asking for gifts from above that we forget to give the gift we can to Jesus who lovingly gave His life for us. The priest continues to say what gift we could give to Him: FORGIVENESS. 

The year 2016 was the Year of Mercy and all catholics were called to be merciful to one another. 

This new year 2017 was declared the Year of Peace. 

The priest in his homily speaks of our lack of contentment from the blessings we receive. We forget to have a treasuring heart or a thankful heart for all the blessings we receive because we concentrate on what is not there. 

He goes on to tell a story of a grandmother who sat on the beach praying while watching over her grandson when a tsunami hit and the sea engulfed the boy. The grandmother admonished God saying "But I pray everyday, I say the novena. How can you do this to me? How can you take my grandson?" Then another tsunami hit and brought back the boy. She then said "He had a cap on when he left, now he doesn't."

The priest emphasized that we are often like that. Instead of being thankful for what is there, we look for what is not there. 

Going back to the message of Christmas, we are called to give the gift of forgiveness to one another as a sign of mercy and testament of God's unconditional love to us. In this New Year we are called to take this mercy and to extend a hand of peace to our neighbour and to be instruments of God's peace and to have a treasuring heart. To have peace in our lives, we must have peace in ourselves. To have peace, we must be happy with what God has given us and to see the blessing in everything. 

Aptly, the New Year's mass ended with the song "Let there be peace on earth" which ends "and let it begin with me". 

So this new year, may we be instruments of peace in our daily lives, be it at work or at home. 

Happy New Year to you and your family. May God bless you. 

Pause. Press. Play.

The week started out like a normal week. So ... I thought. I was about to take a flight out of London after visiting my cousin. As I left London, the sky cried like there was no tomorrow. My cousin said I took the sun away. My nieces started crying too and my nephew was sad. So much water around. So much that even the fuel of the plane I was on had water in it. So the flight was cancelled.

PAUSE.

One of the lessons of that weekend was to take a moment ... a moment to pray. So, in the midst of the cancelled flight a thought entered my mind. A day for a life. What is a day compared to a saved life. The pilot had announced how dangerous it would have been to fly with water in the fuel. It would have been disastrous. Instead, we spent hours in queues going back through immigration, getting rebooked at the flight transfer desk, waiting for the bus to the hotel, getting our rooms, getting our vouchers. It seemed like endless waiting. Sometimes, life seems to not move forward or there are so many hindering circumstances but really, it's just a time to pause. To reflect. To pray.

PRESS.

While spending some time in Swindon with my cousin, she had reminded me of the importance of prayer. But not just any prayer but a prayer that "pestered God". The reading for this Saturday was about the judge that gave into the demands of the widow lest she strike him down with her persistence. So, in our prayer we should ... PRESS on ... to keep asking God day and night for our heart's desires. Yes, He knows what we want before we even ask but just like the widow, wouldn't God give to us what we ask for if we persist in prayer, if we press on?

I had been putting off a certain work-related talk because I thought it was not necessary but God knew how important it was to get it off my chest and He made a way for it to happen. I believe it was because of prayer, prayers offered for me by dear friends.

Two friends also went on retreat this week. I was blessed to receive the messages of God through them, even if vicariously. I heard Him loud and clear.

One friend's retreat spoke of Jesus' first miracle - the Wedding at Cana. Just like the empty vessels that was to receive the water turned into wine, we are called to invite Jesus to come into our lives especially when we feel empty. Sometimes, we need to be empty so that God can fill our emptiness. Just like the servants who were asked to fill the vessels, we are also called to do what God says. And finally, we are called to act.

On the second day of the retreat, the message was forgiveness - to be forgiven, feel forgiven and be forgiving. The example was that of the paralytic who was lowered from the roof. As God forgives, we must also give of that forgiveness so lovingly given. This theme tied in with another friend's retreat where she was asked to carry a stone for a whole day and then leave it at the foot of the Cross so that Jesus may take it away. We often hold on to the stones in our lives weighing us down because we think we are not worthy of forgiveness. God calls us to let go and to let God.

On the third day of the retreat was the Last Supper. Before partaking of the bread, Jesus in humility washes the feet of the disciples and in this humble act we see the greatness of God. We are called to be servant-leaders and to heed the example of Jesus' humility as we serve and lead others.

The fourth day of the retreat, the theme was the value that God gives to each and everyone. Jesus cured a hunchbacked lady on the Sabbath in a synagogue. In a time when women had no value, a sick woman was considered a nobody. Jesus gave her the value that she thought she didn't or couldn't have. With Jesus, we have boundless worth and value even if we think we are worthless.

PLAY.

It's all good to pause and press but we also have to act - to press the "Play" button, so to speak. We need to act. It is not enough to pause, to pray and to pester God, it is also important to act. Just like the servants who did what Jesus asked them to do, we are to do God's will in our lives, however difficult.

I remember my cousin's voice saying, "Do something". It's not enough to pray.

One of my actions is to write about the message I received so I can also share what I learned. I hope that I gave justice to my friends as they relayed to me the message of God.

One of my commitment to action is to serve at church. I am part of a music ministry. I am a happy musician playing the guitar in the background and when I get asked to sing, I feel like having a heart attack. I sang one song today and it went well. Although I missed the entrance to my second verse, it still went well. God has given me a voice, good enough to sing, so I faced my fears and sang. It was a way of giving back and to act.

Today, I also met my mentee who I will be walking with, in faith, for the next six months. It seems like a daunting task but I feel very honoured to be able to accompany a confirmandi, a candidate for confirmation, with her faith walk. I often feel unworthy to accompany anyone with their faith as I too struggle with mine but I feel it is God's way of keeping me in line, to share of God's goodness and blessings because He has given me so much.

To play is also a call to ACTION ... (Act like Christ To Invite Others Near). We are also called to be God's disciples, a human representation of God on earth so that we can invite others to Him.

So the message of the week was pause, press and play. Pause to pray, pray in persistence and play to perform what God intends for us. 

Land of the brave

I recently visited the US again. I often go to New York to visit my best friend. This time, I also got to visit a dear friend whom I had not seen for over 10 years. He lives with his family in Arizona. What an amazing trip this was.

Having travelled most of my life, I still marvel at the courage of those who have decided to uproot themselves to pursue their dreams, their love or to try out their luck in an unfamiliar land - not their own. It's difficult enough to move around a country but to move from country to country, that's courage.

The story of my friends are all too common. Jam decided to pursue a better life in New York and Luige followed his heart in Arizona. But it doesn't always end well. I'm glad it did for these two friends.

I truly believe that more than the "land of opportunities", the US is the "land of the brave". How many migrants have tried out their luck here with barely nothing in their pockets. I'm talking the first wave of migration and the land expeditions. It must have taken so much courage and hope to start anew.

Having seen my friends thrive in their milieu, I am amazed at the strength and courage they have displayed. Jam, a linguist by training, a teacher by calling, virtually knocked on every school to find work. And when she did, she taught her heart out. I'm sure that Jam has made such a difference in many students' lives. One of them, showing courage. I am in awe of Jam and all that she has had to endure just to get where she is now. She is one of the people that makes the US worth calling the "land of the brave". Now, she is a school director and still making a difference in every child's life she is able to mould with her kind heart. Aside from teaching, Jam also found her love in New York. She is now happily married and owns a home in Long Island. A real success story.

Luige, on the other hand, was a star journalist. He worked for the leading newspaper in the Philippines. He made front page almost every day. He wrote hard-hitting stories and exposés. But he asked himself what he wanted to be remembered for when he died. What would he write on his epitaph. Luige is gifted with the use of words, so it's just apt he is a journalist. His answer was: I did not want to be remembered as writing for a newspaper. He told me that every story is a great love story. His certainly was. He fell in love with Pearl from the very beginning when he saw her in the track oval at their school in the Philippines. Pearl had long beautiful hair and she was smart. Every guy's dream I would say. Luige decided to marry Pearl before she left for her nursing career in Arizona and years later, they were blessed by an equally intelligent little boy - Sol Elijah. Sol means "sun" and he certainly is a shining light in his parents' lives and we were blessed enough to have received some too. Luige didn't have any qualms about joining Pearl but like many established journalists, there were doubts of how to write again and for whom. He ended up working for the Arizona Capitol Times covering the Senate and House of Representatives beat. Now, he is an editor.

Jam and Luige are two of the many success stories that make up the land of the brave. With their courage and strength, they contribute to the richness of the US. It makes it all worthwhile to visit over and over again. Not just to marvel at city sights or the Grand Canyon but to meet these two wonderful people and their equally awesome partners in life.

Thank you for your friendship Jam and Luige. I am truly blessed to have you as my best friends. 

No one else but You

I hear you loud and clear.
No one else but You.
I look but I cannot see
what I am looking for.
And then You show me what I had not seen.
Love is all around me,
in the gifts of those You've sent me.
I see You in all of them.
I see Your smile, Your heart.
I see the kindness and compassion,
I see Your love for me.
And because I have it,
I shall look no more.
It has been You all along.

(Thank you God.)

You don't own your time

"You don't own your time."

That was the message I took from the homily last Sunday. The father of our youth minister, who is also a deacon, preached to us. I was in tears during the entire homily.

Yes, we don't own our time. It is a gift given to us by God. He continued to illustrate time by saying that we had 86,400 seconds to every day and that even though we don't own our time, we can choose what to do with it. We can choose to answer God's call to love Him and our neighbours with the time he has given us.

He opened with a passage from Isaiah 6:8

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

When we share our time, we answer the call of God "Whom shall I send?" with "Here am I. Send me!"

I was particularly touched by the message that when we say yes to a stranger's call for help and we give them the time, we say to God, "Here am I. Send me!" It is to say that you have shared a piece of your time, a gift of your life with another to be an instrument of love to another person.

This past week, after hearing this message, I had started reflecting if I had given enough time to the call of God.

God answered me.

Monday.

I received a gift from a friend who had just gone to Portugal. She considers me a special friend to her and I consider her to be special to me. She is a gift I am blessed to have in my life. She is also my Spanish tandem which makes it all the more exciting to learn Spanish.

Later that day, I receive a call from a lady I met at JFK International Airport in New York. She is the mother of one of my neighbours. What a small world?! She had remembered me during her stay in the Philippines and brought me a sugary treat. We had spent only a few minutes conversing in the airport yet she invites me over to her daughter's house here and shares a meal with me.

Earlier that day, I also receive a vote of confidence on my writing that after years, a note I created in 2012 continued to touch her until today. I felt so special that my words could touch people and of course, the credit goes to God who is only using me.

Tuesday.

I continue to think about the blessings God has given me and how my time has been spent on this earthly life.

Wednesday.

I receive a call from a friend who is now in Hungary. I had written about this friend in this blog a few years back and somehow, we are connected. I think of her and then all of a sudden, I receive a text message. She said that I sometimes cross her mind too. Then today, Wednesday, I think of her and she calls me from Hungary. She asks how I am and we exchange stories.

====

The message is loud and clear that somehow I have been sharing my time in the way God wants me to. I feel validated. Thank you Lord for giving me some time on this earth and hopefully with the remaining time I have, I can continue to answer your call to send me to those who need You in their lives. Let me also be open to Your presence in my life by letting other people share their time with me.

I know it has been ages since I wrote about You or about anything but thank you for reminding me that you have given me the talent to write and I should use that for your great glory.

Thank you for my friends, especially mken, Boots, who has encouraged me to write and to all my friends who said I should write a book. I am going to.

====

And to end my note, I share this message on the importance of time taken from the Internet:

Realize the value of time. Time in perspective.

Imagine there is a bank which credits your account each morning with $86,400, carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep no cash balance, and every evening cancels whatever part of the amount you had failed to use during the day.

What would you do?
Draw out every cent, of course!
Well, everyone has such a bank. It's name is time.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the records of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no going back. There is no drawing against the tomorrow.
You must live in the present on today's deposits.
Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running. Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

And remember, time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

3Rs of Lent

I have been accompanying a friend through her faith walk since September. We have been making this journey with other people discerning and deepening in faith. 

This is an every Tuesday event. It does't replace my Tuesdays with PA (with God) time but I have neglected to write my thoughts. 

Today, we were asked to talk to our neighbour about what Lent has meant to us. I was privileged to speak with a friend who said that for him Lent is about 3Rs - Reflection, Renewal and Remembrance. 

Reflection 

Lent is an inward reflection or journey into one's self, assessing what needs to be sacrificed as God did during His 40 days of fasting and prayer. A lot of people in the class spoke about giving up worldly pleasures and looking into what real happiness means. Lent is a time to really look at what is essential, a sort of spiritual spring cleaning. It is a time to slow down and to listen and be silent. It also has to do with controlling one's self, not just for the season but as a gradual transformation. Another classmate said that she is trying to live Lent daily in her life. Her life has become a continuous prayer. This brings me to the 2nd R. 

Renewal

My friend said that for him, Lent is a renewal of faith. It is an opportunity to bring back life to our spiritual life. Lent is a time when coupled with reflection can give new meaning to faith or give a refreshing look at faith. Going back to transformation, Lent can be a new beginning or a new resolve to change for the better. God has sent the Holy Spirit to help us and this is a time when we can open our hearts to listen to His call and to deepen our faith in Him. 

Remembrance

The 3rd R is remembrance of Christ. Lent is a time when we relive the 40 days of sacrifice of God before He gave up Himself for our sins and saved us. It is a time when we remember the great love that God has bestowed upon us - Love equivalent to giving us His only Begotten Son. What a wonderful gift. 

Reconciliation

I would like to add a 4th R to this Lenten reflection - reconciliation. Today in class, we learned about confession or reconciliation. It is a sacrament of freedom given to us so that we may be united with Him and unburden ourselves from the guilt of our sins and by remembering the great parables of the prodigal son and the woman who was caught in adultery. "Has no one condemned you? Neither will I! Sin no more!" What a great burden lifted from her shoulder to know that she is loved beyond measure. What about the son who returned to become a slave hand only to find that his father did not want to hear his speech and instead threw a party upon his return. God is only waiting for us to return to Him and be reconciled with Him and our neighbours, to bestow on us His great love. He doesn't ask questions, He only ask that we be sorry and to sin no more. And even if we keep sinning, because we are imperfect, the sacrament of reconciliation offers us a new beginning. 

So for Lent, I leave you with the 4Rs - Reflection, Renewal, Remembrance and Reconciliation. 

I hope that the season of Lent will be meaningful for you and that your spiritual journey will be filled with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and that God may let you feel His unconditional love. 

God bless you. 

Christmas - of small things and Jesus

I could not have asked for better gifts this Christmas. God has given me all that I needed. 

But Christmas is not about gifts, at least material ones. It's about giving love. Yes, it may sound like a cliché but it is really about giving love. 

This Christmas, I could not give material things to the people I love. So, I gave them my time and energy - because that was what I had. The same with my family. 

My mother came to visit me and she didn't give any other material gift. Her presence was 100 times better than any gift she could have given me. 

Tomorrow, my other late Christmas gift from God is the presence of my elder brother and his family. My gift would be the time I spend with them, especially with my little cutie nephew. 

I received one of the best gifts from Mken. She made a comic strip of why I should be named Time's Person of the Year. It was funny and witty and most of all heartwarming. Years past she would give me a gadget, an expensive one, but this gift made my heart melt. It's not every day that someone chooses you to be Person of the Year. 

My other gifts include, as I mentioned earlier a car. It has come in so useful. Yes, I drove off with the gas nozzle the other day. But the gift there was that the gasoline station owner said that it was okay and I didn't have to pay for anything. Phew! I instantly looked up articles on how much a gas nozzle would cost. FYI, it can cost a few dollars to thousands depending on the damage. To top that off, I think God is really spoiling me. There was a policeman when I drove off with the nozzle. He was off duty and he took my details and even called the firemen to check up the area as my gas was natural gas. He had called the day after to ask whether I had called the station. After further inquiry, he bid us Merry Christmas and that everything was okay. Had he not been there, I would be a wanted lady right now. 

How do all of these tie up together? Well, it's about the small things. Like baby Jesus. He came into the world. Innocent, born in a stable and rested in a manger. How humble a beginning can you have? He shows us that it's not about your stature or your heritage. It is about your heart and the love that you give to others. He dined with sinners, prostitutes, tax collectors - people whom society deemed not fit for social consumption. He gave them His time, His presence, His love and forgiveness. For some people, these are small things. But these are the small things that people appreciate - time and energy and presence and sometimes forgiveness. 

It is the small things that prevent you from making big mistakes like making sure that the gas nozzle had been removed before driving off. Or paying the car insurance as soon as you get the bill, should anything happen. That was the lesson I learned when I accidentally ripped off the gas pump. 

I could write about the many gifts God had given me even before Christmas came. I am especially thankful that Mken got her papers. The feeling of insecurity of living in a country not your own is unnerving yet it teaches us patience and strength. It teaches us how to hope and to surrender all to God. A piece of paper may be a small thing but behind that paper was prayers. Our family and friends prayed for us, for our interview at the immigration office. We asked our angels - both living and in heaven - to say a prayer for us. The experience of having people pray for you is a humbling and wonderful. It may seem small for others to say a little prayer but it has its weight in gold! Prayer goes a long way. 

And I have to say that God has gifted me with good friends and people that surround me. I am awed. They are generous. They ask for nothing in return. They give love to all they meet. They show their kindness and generosity in such subtle ways. Thank you Lord for these people in my life. Their presence is a present in my life. I learn daily to give of your love because of them. 

This Christmas, God has taught me that it's the small things that we neglect that are so important. As Christmas closes to an end, may you and your family be blessed. May you cherish each other's company, even if you may be materially lacking. Nothing can replace your family. It is priceless. 

May we give of love every day, in small ways, because it is these small things that matter. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS. 

Tuesdays with God

About two years ago, I started a date time with God and called it "Tuesdays with P.A." in imitation of Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a weekly ritual of writing down God's message to me for the week. It was a consecrated time when I would sit down and write and share with other people, through my writing, my pondering about God.

I had neglected that ritual for some time now.

But I wanted to share what has happened to me recently.

It was on a Tuesday that God gave me a car in a lottery at the office. I had never won anything so big in my entire life. I was so surprised that I was shaking for a few hours and I went to mass to give thanks to God that day. I couldn't stop crying. Good thing the mass was a remembrance mass for the dearly departed. My tears of joy was masked as tears of sorrow and remembrance. That was 19 November.

Winning the car was a funny story. The lady that called me to say I had won it was a classmate in French class. I thought she was calling to ask about our homework that day because she had been busy organizing and participating in our office's bazaar. This was the conversation:

A: Hello, this is A, may I please speak with Ms. E.
Me: Hi A, this is P, your classmate in French.
A: Who am I speaking to?
Me: A, it's me, P, the Philippine, your classmate in French.
A: The little Philippine in class?
Me: Yes, that one.
A: Oh my God, P, you won the car!
Me: What? Oh my God! Oh my God!
A: (Talking ... but I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying)
Me: Oh my God ... (walking out of my office and going to my friend's office saying: I won the car. Smiling and shaking)

It was also funny that at the closing of the bazaar, I took a picture of the whiteboard with all the winning numbers. I thought I would check the numbers when I go home. Little did I know that I would win the grand prize.

I didn't tell anybody else that I had won the car that night until I found the ticket. I told my family though and I said I had to check where my ticket was. They asked if it was a hoax. When I found it at home and went to mass that Tuesday, news had already travelled and everybody greeted me with a congratulations as I entered church. The lady that sold me the winning ticket had already told everybody. When she sold me the ticket she had expressly said, "Take this ... this is my favourite number". I bought it and that was the winning ticket.

Two weeks later, on a Tuesday, 3 December, I finally received the car. The German ambassador, whose Mission had donated the car, had come to the VW garage for a photo op. The car - a VW eco up! - was unveiled and Voidieu (short for Voiture de Dieu - in English - Car of God) was given to me. We call her V for short, thanks to a friend's prodding.

So, it was on a Tuesday that I dedicated myself to God and on the same day, God gave me a wonderful gift.

I had planned to write this on a Tuesday but I had been busy so time permitting, I wrote it on the Sabbath which is also a day dedicated to God.

It's not to say that God is not present any other day but I just feel even more special that God on our date day gave me such a wonderful gift.

Thank you Lord for the gifts you shower me with everyday of my life. I am not worthy yet your love abounds for me.

I love you too.

It's my Christ year! 3Ds

That's what I've learned to call my 33rd birthday whom a dear friend told me.

On the eve of my Christ year, I ponder many things. Firstly, the homily this evening. Father Bob said he cringes when the Gospel or the Word says you must hate your family and friends. But in deeper detail, he says that the translation actually means to be detached. He said that was understandable.

I'm not a very addictive person but I may get too attached to some things. It can be people, or things or habits or whatevers.

This year before my Christ year, I have gone through a sort of detachment. I have been able to lessen my involvement in certain activities which allows me more time to be with God. I have also avoided people whose negativities bring me down. But I have quickly replaced it with other things like my revitalized passion for fishing.

A few days ago, I broke my ribs. It's a long story which I will not recount. The message is that I should not devote all my time to only fishing. I have to make time for God.

Church activities, though meaningful, do not necessarily equate time with God. I often think about the Gospel in Matthew when God teaches us how to pray - in seclusion, just with the Creator and no rambling because He already knows. It's a two-way dialogue that requires listening as well as speaking. But we most often do the latter that listening is put out of the picture.

So, this Christ year, I hope that I will be closer to God. With my recovery, God's presence and teachings are ever so evident. One is God's love and the need to love Him, and the other the love we have for our neighbour. God is so loving that whatever we do, He is there.

Last week, after breaking my ribs, though not knowing it yet, before mass, we thought we would miss the bus. To walk would be quick if I didn't have an injury but God knew my pain and somehow, the bus which should have left, stayed a bit which allowed us to ride. We then had to walk, a chore for me because my leg was still painful. After mass, we got on the bus to go somewhere to eat. A few friends saw me and said for me to sit, I said it was painful. They must have seen the pain on my face and said, don't eat yet, just go straight to the clinic.

This guiding presence of God through other people are so touching, I almost cried. Not from pain but knowing that God was there.

A similar thing happened when I was on holiday this summer. I went to a church, as a stranger, and I was asked by the church volunteer to offer up the gifts. Who was I - some stranger to that church - to offer up gifts? I felt God valuing my presence. I cried during communion and went home with a smile on my face.

The second lesson is love for others. I have had opportunities to be on the giving side but at this moment in time, I have been on the receiving. I am so thankful to a loved one who has been helping me recover and who is always there to help me in times of need. God has given me a true gift. I could not ask for anything more on my birthday - to be loved by Him and to be loved by others.

That's why it's sometimes hard to be detached because God has given us so many blessings and we can't help but dote on these blessings. But He asks us to dote on the Giver and not to lose sight of that.

So, this Christ year, I hope I can find a balance between detachment, doting and devotion.

Lord, thank you for another year of blessing of life. I cherish every second of it. I'm sorry for all my shortcomings and I pray for good health. Thank you for all the lovely people around me and for all those who have challenged me to be closer to You. I pray for forgiveness.

All this Lord, I cherish and pray, in your name. Amen.

Madali ka ma-disappoint (You're easily disappointed)

That's what my friend told me today when I was venting about how another friend's prospective job might not pull through. I took offence for a while, kept to myself, pondered about what she said. I felt a bit slighted but my friend and I have been through a lot so I chose to act “normal”. This is what Bo Sanchez recommended when there has been a misunderstanding and you just want things to be as normal as possible. Act normal and feel later and sooner or later your feelings will follow your actions.

I was simply venting and I just wanted to be heard. I didn't really expect a chastisement or scolding as such. But she did have a point. After she said that line, she added: Trust in God and you will not be disappointed. Know that He has better plans.

Yes, I know that in my head and in my heart. It was just in that moment in time, I doubted. I doubted like Peter. I doubted like Thomas. When has God ever let me or my loved ones down? I don't recall any real let-down. The answer has always been clear: Yes, No, Not now. Sometimes, I choose to see between the lines. Well, so much for looking between the lines. What is in between is the fact that God is so good, He or She (International Women's Day is soon here :)), knows what we already need before opening our mouths and He or She will give it if it is what is best for us. Nothing less and sometimes surprisingly more.

As I reflected today with the help of OPM (Original Pilipino Music) and the concentration to work like my life depended on it got me smiling. I became very happy and my feelings of hurt turned into love. Love for my friend whom I know said that because she wanted me to be appeased that God will never let me down. Love for the people that dare to show love. Love for the people that appreciate the little things I do. Love, love, love. The love of God that is all around to feel and to share.

So, my not so disappointed self started smiling – at everything. I might have looked a bit crazy to some people. But I appreciated as I always do the little things – a smile, a plant, two friends talking, people helping and showing random acts of kindness. I smiled at the collection of photos of the people at work in our organization. I smiled as I walked home. I smiled at the air that was going through my body.

Thank you Lord for giving me my friend who reminded me that I should never be disappointed with you or what life has laid down before me. You have better plans – plans for a future full of hope. The verse of Jeremiah 29:11 is forever etched into my heart.

I leave it at the foot of the Cross. We will soon be welcoming you into Jerusalem with palms only to crucify you a few days later.

Look not on our sins but on the faith of your Church – that's what we say at Sunday mass. Yes, Lord, look not at our inability to fathom your plans and the errors we make. Look at our faithfulness and the hope that we put in You because only You know the plans for our lives.

This Lent, may we never be disappointed by the experiences and challenges that come our way. May we welcome them as a sign of your unfailing love and your trust in us.

Jesus I trust in You.

***

Who am I? (Qui suis-je?)

That was a question that Jean Valjean asked himself when he faced the dilemma of becoming a criminal yet again or living out the life that he was destined to have. It was the question that Javert asked himself before throwing himself in the river Seine.

It is the question we ask ourselves everyday if we do not yet know what life holds for us.

These past weeks a recurrent theme in my life is the question: Who am I? From French class who asked to recount my heritage, my grandparents, my family and my village to the recent showing of Les Miserables here in Geneva.

In Les Mis, Fantine sings in “I dream a dream” that she imagined her life to be different and not exactly where she was at that time in the margins selling herself so that she may buy the life of her daughter Cosette. How many times have we found ourselves in the margin, thinking is this the life I was meant to lead? Or is there a greater sacrifice?

It is also reminiscent of the message of Christ. Lent started just a few days ago with Ash Wednesday and the ashes being crossed on each of the faithful's forehead. “Who do the people say I am?” Jesus asked. It didn't matter what the people said because He knew who He was and no one could change that. And Peter's “You're the Messiah” was evidence that he chose to see with his heart and not with the eyes of his human form.

As Father Richard said in his sermon, Lent is not about giving up things but becoming the person that God wanted us to be. God did not want sacrifices or holocaust, he wanted us, the us that He created.

But who am I? That is the question in some our minds. I often ask myself that. Who am I really? My mom calls me by many names in the hopes that I will become one of those things: writer, professor, horticulturist, entrepreneur, etc. And yet, I am not really any of those things.

Is it in my head that I dream that I would like to be a published writer some day? Is it a dream that I would like to tend to an organic farm some day? Is it far from reality that I could be a businesswomen who can support herself? And the list goes on.

The question remains, who am I? Am I really those things? Or is the calling from God more basic? Fantine sings: To love another person is to see the face of God ... Yes, the challenge is there in defining who I am and who you are. In the times that God challenged us, did we show love? Did we show compassion? Did we see His face in others? Did we see His love for us? Do we know that we are His creation and therefore also Love.

Who am I? I am yours, the song goes:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

And so the answer is: Not because of who I am But because of what You've done. I am Yours.

I am Yours. That's who I am.

Jean Valjean, Javert, you, me, we are His and He has redeemed us. And no matter who we think we are, we will always be the love He has put in this world to be a light to others just as He was. We may be imperfect, we may be broken but He has claimed our soul and called us brother and sister. For him, we are a beautiful soul.

Something borrowed ...

What is your concept of time? How do you see time? Where do you see your life or your death on that time concept?

That was what was asked of us at the last Liturgical Renewal Day held a few weeks ago. We were preparing for the season of Advent.

What is Advent? Advent is the time of preparation for the coming of the Lord.

It is that four weeks before Christmas day where we light the four candles in the wreath. One in rose pink stands out signaling that one week remains and it is with great anticipation that we await the coming of Christ.

So, this wait was translated into illustrating our concept of time. We were given many materials ranging from cereal boxes to magazines to paper towel rolls. Some made 3D models of their concept of time. But with so many people, not everyone was able to share what they had made and what their concept of time was.

On that time concept, you had to place yourself - where you see the beginning of life, where it ends and what are your achievements.

Inspired by the Holy Spirit, I created a passbook, one similar to that of a savings account at a bank. My account name was my given name and my opening date was my earthly birth. The credits to my account were the times I came closer to being with God - the times of illness and near death. The debits or the withdrawals were the years spent on earth. My concept of time was borrowed.

Only God knows how long we will live and how long we have to spend on this earth. But we don't know. For me, since I don't know, I think every moment and every minute is borrowed and at the same time a gift.

I could have died in a car accident last Saturday when a car came from nowhere on the highway merging into my lane. But it was not my time yet. Many people die each day, some in their sleep. And that time before they joined the creator is all borrowed.

So, at the opening of my account with God, I received birth bonds: bond of Christ, Love and a life bar shaped liked a gold bar. Similar to a bank, you are able to invest in bonds. The bonds of Christ are the moments in our lives that God has shown Himself and seeks us out so we can be closer to Him. The love of Christ is the interest that grows with every deposit. Deposits being the ways that we make active choices to acknowledge God. Love is free and grows exponentially. The life bar is our life and we receive only one bar when we are born. We are free to do with it as we like.

With Christmas just around the corner, what is it that you are waiting for? What are you preparing for? What is time for you? And how will you spend it?

This Christmas I hope that all of you will have time to reflect on the year past and the coming year. May it be a time dedicated to Christ. May the Child Jesus be the reason for the season and may His love abound in all our families, in our hearts, today and always.

Super shield

"Sometimes before you reveal yourself you need to put on a shield ... "

This was something I heard from a movie I recently watched.

There was a time when I did not think I needed a shield because I possessed all the power and strength. Youth does that to you. You feel invincible like you own the world. Yes, a part of me still believes that but I've been hurt too much to know that sometimes I need to protect myself.

And I do the same for my loved ones.

You see, we were blessed with a very loving mother and she trusts too easily. We have somehow inherited that and because we are only half of her, I am proud to say that we were also gifted with Papa's genes - very wise and a good measurer of people.

But going back to the shield ... Nowadays I maintain a relatively medium height wall for people to climb over. It is a test. One it proves that a person is willing to climb over my wall which means I am worth the effort. This weeds out the faint of heart. Second, the wall is scaleable so that I am not unreachable. So, the winner is the one who at least tries. I give points for effort.

There were instances when my wall was very high and it seemed that the view from the top was very lonely. My mother said, sometimes when people can't come to you, you have to meet them at their level. I have learned that. Like my own medium-height wall, I am willing to scale someone's mighty shield if I think they are worth the effort, especially if I can see that behind the facade is a person bearing great weight and shaking with fear. Until today, I hold that same fear and weight. Although it is a bit lighter.

And once that wall is scaled, there is no turning back. One cannot unsee.

So what was the wall for? What was the shield for? What was so important that it had to be shielded from the public eye?

For some people, they are secrets. Others, disbelief in themselves. For many it is fear - fear of being hurt, fear of being found out that they are not what everybody thinks they are, fear from criticism. The list goes on.

And because once our walls were only knee high, our vulnerabilities were so obvious it was used to hurt us - deliberately or unintentionally. It made us feel insecure, it made us feel less strong, we felt at the mercy of others. Or it could just be irrational fear.

For one reason or another, we felt that we needed to protect ourselves. And so the wall grew and grew so that people could not read us or could not easily use our weaknesses against ourselves.

Then came some people who thought it would be fun to overcome the challenge of the wall. So they climbed. Others lost hope, others would not give up. Carefully, the victors would wear down the walls gently by moving every brick back and forth until it loosened from the cement and was broken away clean. These are the people that respect you and care enough to tug at you when you are ready. They are patient, they understand you and they are willing to wait for the wall to come down.

Then there are those who try to climb the wall by tearing down the foundation. These are people who don't care about you but likes the thrill of the chase. At any cost, they will bring down the wall so they start hacking at you without any qualms. It is these people that makes the walls go higher and higher.

Our shields need not be static walls. They can be drawbridges that shut and close at the face of danger. Generally it is open but once threat is felt it shuts to offer more protection to the innermost you.

The story in the movie I watched ends on a twist: Sometimes, you don't need a shield because being yourself is enough to protect you.

We are given senses by God to know when danger approaches. We feel something is wrong when a suspicious character talks to us. We are on guard when certain people seem to say sweet nothings yet our hearts feel otherwise. Yes, sometimes, it is enough to be us because God equips us with the armor and shields that we need. He says to call on the Holy Spirit in times of trouble and He will push through.

This has happened to me so many times. I have uncanny feelings when I am about to enter into a dangerous situation. Before, I risked entering danger to test the waters. Now, I listen to God's prodding or interpret the signs that God is showing me to know whether what I am about to do is justified or not.

Shields are important because they help protect the innermost you and me. Though sometimes, maintaining a wall is tiresome. Some people will always criticize. Yet there are gems of people that we might be missing out on. And for them and for God's other creations, it is worth the effort to get to know someone even if it means getting hurt. "A" for effort they say.

I'd like to end with a line from "Wicked". Glinda says:

(Glinda) I've heard it saidThat people come into our lives for a reasonBringing something we must learnAnd we are ledTo those who help us most to growIf we let themAnd we help them in returnWell, I don't know if I believe that's trueBut I know I'm who I am todayBecause I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbitAs it passes a sunLike a stream that meets a boulderHalfway through the woodWho can say if I've been changed for the better?But because I knew youI have been changed for good

Because I knew you God - I have been changed for the better, for the good. Thank you ...  May you always be my shield in times of trouble and may you always be with my loved ones.

How awful it would be if we would have to scale a wall to know you Lord. Thank you for being open to us.

Thank you for never tiring from tugging at me brick by brick so I can be who you want me to be - warts and all. 

Psst ...

It's almost 3 a.m. and I was on my way to sleep when suddenly, I got called. I started my night prayers and I prayed that I would get to sleep. After a few minutes, I still couldn't fall asleep. My body was surely ready for sleep but my mind wasn't. Then like Samuel I said "Speak, Lord, I'm listening." I kept listening. I even asked: Do you really want me to write, right now? So I tried sleeping again and too many thoughts were raising through my mind.

So, I am taking to my virtual pen and paper and writing my thoughts.

Some of my pondering went to something that happened earlier. Someone had asked me, how did I know God was calling me to serve. If you'd asked me when I was younger, I would say, I just felt it. If you asked me now, I would say, I heeded the call.

I think we are called in one way or another to do something for His glory. Sometimes, the call gets drowned in the world and most of the time, in our own thoughts. We mistake His voice for ours and dismiss it. But maybe that's why along with our thoughts, we feel stirrings, a certain tug at our hearts. Like somehow, we are being pulled to do something. An internal compass if you'd like.

That's how I know I'm being called. Like right now, I was on my way to sleep when I felt this urge to write. Why would I want to write at 3 in the morning? I would rather sleep. But I felt that I had to write, write down the thoughts that were whirring in my head.

So, I am.

Earlier today, someone said that a way to be closer to God is to be in His presence. What that means to you or me may be different. But it definitely struck me. My life is as busy as most people. It becomes difficult to hear God's voice. God exists everywhere and He communicates to us through any medium - be it nature, a friend, a talk or even a stranger. Heeding the call is another thing.

In that busy-ness we are almost always physically exhausted, yet something seems to be still missing. Do we undertake more responsibilities? Ask God, what is it?

Speak, Lord, I am listening.

I had been off work for a week. I had tendonitis in my right arm. It was the worst thing that could happen to me because I was right-handed and I liked working with my hand.

Then I said: Thank you, God. Thank you for letting this happen so I can be with you. It's not everyday that you get to have a full day with God. It was like a God holiday or what my brother aptly coined: Staycation. It was like a vacation because you had to stay.

My injury also left me very vulnerable. Like most people when they are sick, you imagine the worst. And you feel pity for yourself. It was a test of mortality. We are only here for as long as our body holds up. For a 32-year-old, it is scary. But even then, at least I made it to 32.

I couldn't do most of the things that I could if my hand could function. I couldn't even type. Writing this is even a challenge in itself. Yet, for as long as I can do it, I will. A day may come when I will not be able to write and shame on me for not capitalizing on my ability to do so now.

I still feel quite fragile. Earlier today, I had stomach cramps. It seemed to be emanating from my navel. It scared me a little. But I hope it was just a part of the many nerves affected by my tendonitis.

I am no longer a spring chicken. That I know.

And I don't know if God is telling me to take better care of my body or to do what I can now while I can rather than to wait later when time may not be on my side.

So, it's 3 a.m. and I think my ramblings should come to an end.

Yes, Lord, I heard you ... I hope you call again.

It's alive!!!

It's alive!!! Looking at the page views of this page, I have decided to go back to this medium copying my works into Facebook and hopefully, Google will not decide one day to get rid of it.

I am of course referring to the change in vision of Multiply where I used to religiously post my picture and stories. Now, I have to really take my writing seriously as there is no use not to practise my craft.

Communicate, communicate has been the message for the week and how it plays into leadership. Leadership has been thrust in my face since I was small. I am always hesitant to take a leadership role but I seem to be chosen every time.

So, why alive? Alive because I have found the veins in my blood screaming words. Words that need to be written down. And whether the medium is Multiply, Facebook or blogger, words must flow.

And I have to communicate them well so that I can give birth to my masterpiece.

Thank you Multiply for being there for me when I needed a canvass for my work. I hope that you will find a new peace in  your new chosen field.

How many ticks do you need to do at a time?

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? (Mt 6:25-27, NIV 2011)

That was a question asked by a psychiatrist to a clock who had a nervous breakdown.


At church last Sunday the Gospel was about not worrying. Fr Richard began his homily by a witty anecdote about a clock who was new and had had a nervous breakdown because he worried about the ticks and tocks he had to make in his lifetime. Tick tock for every second. That would be two for a second, 120 for a minute and so on and so forth. The thought of having to tick so many times in his lifetime overwhelmed him and this eventually led him to worry and not to function as a clock anymore.


He went to see a psychiatrist to whom he recounted his worries and the doctor asked the same question above. How many ticks do you need at a time? The clock answered: ONE. The doctor said so just focus on one tick at a time. The clock then went home happy.


Fr Richard reminds that it's not that we shouldn't make plans for the future but to not let worry get in the way of living our lives.


===


Since I learned of the word worrywart, I have assigned it to myself. I have been a worrier all my life, sometimes if not always poring over trivial matters. I run myself down with every worry, almost like a hypochondriac of worries only to be relieved that not even one third, if none, of my worries would ever materialize.


I have tried to limit my worrying to a bare minimum but sometimes I still go down that road especially when I'm unsure of myself. I look to these verses in Matthew to give me strength and I feel God reassure me that He will take care of me and that I should not worry my head silly over things HE has control over.


I think it is very human to worry because we want to control what happens to our lives. But to what extent can worry help us to achieve our goals? At the start, it can prompt you to act so that the worry disappears. But it is problematic when we stop at worrying, when worrying becomes an obsession and we lose sleep over what we worry about - what to eat, what to cook, where to get this and that, how to achieve this, etc. And it becomes a vicious cycle of doubt, worry, unbelief in one's self, feeling overwhelmed, non-action. Sometimes, when worry becomes too much, instead of acting, we stop. We stop because we tell ourselves that what we do will not matter anyway.


I'm reminded by another story that Boots told me of how her dad told her mom not to cram into a crowded train. Sometimes, God has something better in store for us and it's just up to us to let go of our worries. Another train came past and it was empty and her parents were able to sit comfortably.


Another witty comment from a friend, Luige said: IF you have a problem, then remove the problem. It seemed like a really practical solution.


So, what is the point of worrying when we have a Father who promises to provide for us and all our needs. And how many of us have lengthened our lives with worrying? At best, it serves to shorten it by making us lose precious time poring over our worries and stressing us and causing us sickness.


Which brings me to my final point: The King's Speech. Watching this movie is again another Godsent as God's message for me is to write about not worrying. King George VI stammered because of his many fears. He had to struggle with the unbelief in himself and not believing that he would be king some day. There was a part in the movie where his wife, Elizabeth, said tick-tock. This reminded me of Father's homily and an affirmation that we should live for every tick and not get ahead of ourselves, worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow may not even come.


So, instead of worrying, live for the moment for it may never come again.

The greatest obstacle to man is his unbelief in himself

That was a quote I learned in French class today.

Today, I will talk about the discipline of believing in one's self and putting the right amount of time and energy to what you believe to be worthwhile.

I chanced upon Gemma Hayes, a world-renowned Irish singer, two Saturdays ago as I lay in bed recovering from sickness. I was looking around Google when she showed up. I was happy to watch because I love acoustic music. During her interview before the start of her concert she was asked how she came by her music and where she drew inspiration. She replied that you have to be in the act of songwriting to have a breakthrough song. She said you can't wait for inspiration to come while doing nothing.

This brings me back to my title that the greatest obstacle to man is his own unbelief in himself. I was just listening to Lady Gaga's Born this Way and it said that God does not make mistakes and for whatever you believe yourself to be, you are who you are because you are special and are meant to do something in this world. You just have to believe in yourself.

Few and far between really believe they can make it in the world. Some act tough, some put on facades and others accept their weakness and it is in that acceptance of limitations that sets you free from the expectations of others. Others blame other people for what they can or cannot achieve. But what about if you don't expect anything from yourself? That is the obstacle. That unbelief is best hidden somewhere where achievement can't be infected by it.

We often downplay our skills, we play coy or have false humility for fear of what other people would say. I would like to quote a verse from the Bible from Matthew 5:15 that asks why we should hide a lamp under a bowl.

15 (A)No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.

And so we are all called to be a light to others. That light is inherent in each one of us because God made us so. And it is up to us to show it or to hide it. But rest assured, the light exists.

It is quite uncanny how God helps me to write my Tuesday notes because He sends people to give me messages that have the same theme.

Tonight, my mamu called and said that we should celebrate our similarities and our goal to achieve the common good. She sang a song "You are beautiful, you are loved, you are forgiven by the mercy of God". We are alike in that we all have the light of God in us but we are different in that each light is unique and serves to light the paths of others on the same journey as us. Let us celebrate our likeness of light. And let our combined light be a beacon to a world sometimes enveloped by darkness. One of which is the unbelief that we truly matter in this world.

To quote Lady Gaga through Boots "I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way, Don't hide yourself in regret, Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way".

Let your light shine.

The second part of the discipline is to have enough fuel to keep the light. If you don't feed a fire charcoal or wood, it dies. The same is true with our passions and our lights. We have to continuously put time and energy into the things that are worthwhile to us whether a cause or a charity or a craft. Whatever it may be, what is important is that we use that light to lighten the roads ahead, whether ours or others, whether solitary or in unison.

So, keep at that craft. Put in the midnight oil. Someday, it will all come to fore, what those late nights of work or discernment mean.

Feed your passion so that one day you will reap its fruits.

Believe in yourself.

in the mood ... for love

Today marks the start of rehearsals for the choir concerts of John 23. One of the songs to be sung is In the mood by the Andrews sisters. I was supposed to write about just that when Boots said to write about love or beauty. Hmm. I thought what a great idea since Valentine's was just two days ago and love is an eternal topic that can be discussed at any time.

Last Sunday, the Singles for Christ girls had another Princess Diaries. One of the talks is about how God loves us and that He desires to pursue us as He has been doing since our birth. The heart of a woman is fashioned after God's and the basic desires of women are: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure and to unveil beauty.

From the talk, women want to be pursued and to be wanted. And we want to share in a great adventure because we are relational beings. But women shouldn't be copycats of each other or be like somebody because being yourself is enough. Just BE it said, you don't have to strive because being you is special enough. The third desire is to unveil the beauty that is inherent in each woman. God created us in His image and likeness and He does not create ugly people - inside or outside. And both have equal weight. We are called to be beautiful spiritually and physically. How do we unveil this beauty you ask? Simple. Use your beauty, inside or outside to inspire others. And use that beauty to also bring out the beauty in each woman. Use that beauty to attract people to God. But you must believe you have that beauty because no amount of praises will let you believe what you do not believe in yourself.

God created us beautiful beings. Women were the crowning glory of creation. He saw something missing. The world is incomplete without women.

The desires planted in our hearts is paralleled by the men's desires to fight a battle, to live out a great adventure and to rescue a beauty. But if you are not inclined for that, we have a God that calls out to us, pursuing us everyday of our lives and providing for our needs. A God that wants to share in our adventure and a God who is beauty himself wanting to unveil that same beauty in each of us.

So this month of February is not just bringing us in the mood for love and receiving love but also gearing us towards unveiling that beauty that is inherent in us. It doesn't have to be February though to let somebody feel they are loved and that they are beautiful.

So for you: the crowning glory of Creation - You are loved and you are beautiful. Be. Believe. Love.

expectant faith

Have you ever wanted something so bad? Have you prayed for it? Have you thought of not praying for it because you know you won't get it? Or were you so sure you would get it even if you didn't ask for it?



Which one are you?



In many of the talks I have heard, whether in the Couples for Christ community or in the Light of Jesus Community, from Bo, from the priests, we are taught to seek, knock and ask God for the things we want to receive. It's a simple as asking and knowing that it's yours once you've asked.



But do you have doubts? Are you unsure whether God will grant it to you?



Ask yourself, would God want me to have this? If it is good for you, why not?



We are taught to have expectant faith - the sort of faith that already claims the promises that God will us - plans to prosper us, not to do us harm and give us a good future (Jeremiah 29:11).



This verse has been a mainstay in my life ever since it was introduced to me in 2005 by a good friend at the ILO. I was so worried about getting a job or keeping a job in a land so far away that would help me be independent as well as help my family. And Tita Virgie gave me this verse and I stuck in on my wall. I looked at it daily and it comforted me that God would grant the desires of my heart to be able to have a job to help my family. And He did grant it.



Every year since 2005, on my birthday, God has given me a career improvement. If not a promotion, a step increase on my salary. And I continue to claim that He will give me blessings not just on my birthday but every day of my life.



I remember praying to be like my best friend Jam. She was able to provide for her family ever since she graduated from college. I wished I could do the same for my family. And I saw the letter I wrote to my mom telling her how much I wanted to help our family. And God knowing the desires of my heart, has given me a job that allows me to help my family until today. It is a great blessing.



It brings tears to my eyes to know that God is one step ahead of our needs - that even before asking, it is already given to us. Just the same, it's still nice to be asked. Maybe that's what God just wants - to be asked so He knows He is important to us.



"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? (New International Version (©1984)) - Luke 11:11



And who among us is worthy? Compared to God and His perfectness, we cannot dare to measure up. But in Luke, God again reassures us that as children of the One Father, He will only give us what is good for us and not what will harm us.



So, I encourage you to have expectant faith. To claim what is yours by the right of God's goodness. To know that all of us are worthy of His goodness and blessings, whoever and whatever we are. We are His beloved children.



Seek and ye shall find, ask and it shall be given unto thee.

precious shower and pee-ay

my most favourite part of the house is, apart from the kitchen, the bathroom. i've seen a lot of anecdotes about the bathroom or the toilet like "if you treat me nicely, i won't tell of what i've seen". it's funny but the bathroom has been a place of solace for me, where i can shut out the world and just be. it's the place i go to cry, to pray, to listen to my thoughts. i love taking showers and baths and i love to listen to the therapeutic pitter patter of the water. it reminds me of rain and the calm it gives me.

today was a very hectic day both at work and at home. i had plenty chores to do and a lot of cooking as well. i did everything at one time and i know it would leave me depleted but i thought i should get everything out of the way so i can sit quietly. one thing after the other and it's just now that i get to write. i got my epiphany while i was in the shower. i got my idea to write about how important it is to be alone with one's thought and to find that place that lets you think. for me - it's the bathroom. i love to go to the toilet so much, my monicker became pee-ay. when i was in college, my icon for my name was a toilet. such was my affinity, if not nature's call to commune in what the philippines call "the rest room". indeed, one can find rest in the bathroom, whether natural or emotional. it's a place of release, where you can be yourself. just let it all out figuratively and otherwise.

the shower left me fresh physically and prepared me mentally for my tasks at hand.

when i was under the "rain", i also thought of the more than showerlike floods brought on by torrential rains in queensland. my office roommate is from there and her mum's place is threatened to flood. i remember when typhoon ondoy hit the philippines and left many people stranded, homeless and lifeless. the showers of nature serves as a wake-up call much like a shower wakes you up from sleep. natural disasters are uncontrollable. it is also unpredictable. only so much can be done to prepare. but one can still prepare.

how can one prepare for the deluge of nature and life?

one way is to embrace it. much like the shower i took, i let it envelop me as it washed away the dirt and fatigue of my body. the deluge of life can be momentary or drawn out. it depends on you. the flood serves to wash away the unnecessary and let's you think what is really important in life. after ondoy hit the philippines, many people were left with the bare essentials. they managed and some did not want for what they do not have but was thankful for another chance at life. floods also clear away nature's landscape, making way for the new.

another is to reflect. what caused the deluge, how can it be prevented? how much should i invest in rebuilding? is it worth it? how has it affected me? how can i move on?

the final is to act. after embracing the deluge of life, reflect and learn and then act. now that the deluge is over, what is left to pick up? what is there to throw away? how will you move on?

what deluge are you experiencing now?