i've been meaning to write about this topic for a while now as i keep remembering it every time i bike up the hill with my backpack. it does get easier but most of the time, i'm left panting and out of breath because i have a heavy load on my back. it's much easier when i bike uphill with nothing on my back but even then i'm still a little out of breath when i reach the top.
so, i wanted to talk about not just physical baggage, luggage or something you can actually carry. i'm talking about the baggages of life. life is a wellspring of pain, of joy, sorrow, suffering ... in short, of emotions. some emotions have a way of etching themselves into our physical memory, i.e. pain. one shudders at the thought of it. it can also ingraine in us certain reactions like a coping mechanism. when we're in a certain situation we've been in before, we tend to react the same way every time just to avoid it.
one of the former priests at john xxiii said, to avoid conflict, pain, sorrow, is the beginning of madness. when we steer clear of these feelings, we try to rationalize them and we even go to a therapist to find a "solution", we just never really face up to the problem. so instead of experiencing one pain and chucking it out after you've drained every feeling out of it, there's the mountain of pain that accumulates like the unpacked luggage, like the heap of emotions that pile up because there's always another time to "deal" with it.
but after years and years of putting off that "sorting", you've learned to live with the load. you've learned to move around it and to take care not to topple it lest it all falls on you all at the same time. you've learned to cherish the feeling of heaviness. at times, you've become jaded. you snap at anyone trying to get at your heap to lighten your load. it's become your security blanket.
then it's time to move on ... and you find that it's difficult because you have so many luggages to carry - the pain, the sorrow, the insecurities, the pain, the sorrow, the insecurities ... by now, you have double of everything and it comes in different sizes. you think why am i carrying all of these? wouldn't it be easier just to let go ... yes ... it's easier to let go but it's not as easy as that, so you chuck one piece at a time until you get to the last piece. but then your heap starts again, thus begins a new mountain. and the whole cycle begins again.
it's only a thorough cleaning, self-examination and constant chucking of unwanted emotional luggages that you can keep a minimal heap, a bearable load. i always remember what my friend luige told me: the best solution to solving a problem is removing the problem. he is wise.
so the next time you stop at an emotional station in your life, don't forget to offload all the unnecessary ones.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
temporary blindness
i saw the notice for almost a week before it happened. they were going to cut the electricity today, between 7 to 8 a.m. when i woke up this morning, it was just 6.45 and still managed to turn on the light. when i finally got up at 7.20, the light was still operational. when i got into the shower, in the middle or shampooing my hair, the lights were cut. my bathroom didn't have windows. the only source of natural light was a little strip at the bottom of the door, allowing air to pass. it's autumn now and sunrise comes nearer 8 a.m. it was pitch black.
i remembered saying to myself that if i had a disability, i would prefer being deaf or mute over being blind. for me, deafness would be a blessing. since, i feel that sometimes i have "bionic" ears and can hear through walls and whispers, i would rather not hear the words people say to avoid gossip or to hear any negative thing. i'd rather be mute, so i couldn't say anything hurtful or perpetuate gossip. i'd often succeeded in exercising my sharp tongue to my own detriment. but blindness ... that was something i would have to really grapple with. on the positive side, i couldn't use my eyes to judge if i was blind.
i have a habit of memorizing the placement of things so that even if i was in the dark, i could "feel" my way around a certain area. so, that's what i did. i used the mental images of where things were placed so that i could grab the rest of the toiletries i needed to finish my morning rituals. i had to carefully get out of the tub too. thank God i wasn't a paraplegic either ... i waved my hand in front of me so that i knew there was nothing i would hit. i opened the mirror with much care and swerved when i thought it could hit me in the face. i found it funny. i managed not to get hit. i couldn't get out to get a candle in the middle of the shower so i just continued until i made it out. then, the lights turned on and off.
i realized it's difficult to live in the dark but there was something challenging and at the same time exciting. but of course, i wouldn't wish to have this impairment. i could just imagine walking on the street and even if there are vision-impaired traffic lights, it was still difficult to get through the day with a walking stick and trying to manage around. i'm amazed at people who successfully get on and off the bus and find their way around town.
i see such a man on my street. sometimes, i want to help him but that might cause him embarrassment, so i just let him be as "normal" as any person can be, as he is guided by his walking stick.
God is good. i heard that people with disabilities are gifted with other talents to make up for their lack in the other areas of sensory perception. i'm glad for that.
so, for those few minutes of my life, i couldn't see any perceptible image even with the almost non-existing light emanating from the door slit. what if life was like that? just darkness ... not just physical darkness, but the darkness that envelops a person. a darkness that is foreboding. a darkness that despite the glaring sun, one is trapped in the non-existence of light. i think i would prefer physical blindness over that.
i remembered saying to myself that if i had a disability, i would prefer being deaf or mute over being blind. for me, deafness would be a blessing. since, i feel that sometimes i have "bionic" ears and can hear through walls and whispers, i would rather not hear the words people say to avoid gossip or to hear any negative thing. i'd rather be mute, so i couldn't say anything hurtful or perpetuate gossip. i'd often succeeded in exercising my sharp tongue to my own detriment. but blindness ... that was something i would have to really grapple with. on the positive side, i couldn't use my eyes to judge if i was blind.
i have a habit of memorizing the placement of things so that even if i was in the dark, i could "feel" my way around a certain area. so, that's what i did. i used the mental images of where things were placed so that i could grab the rest of the toiletries i needed to finish my morning rituals. i had to carefully get out of the tub too. thank God i wasn't a paraplegic either ... i waved my hand in front of me so that i knew there was nothing i would hit. i opened the mirror with much care and swerved when i thought it could hit me in the face. i found it funny. i managed not to get hit. i couldn't get out to get a candle in the middle of the shower so i just continued until i made it out. then, the lights turned on and off.
i realized it's difficult to live in the dark but there was something challenging and at the same time exciting. but of course, i wouldn't wish to have this impairment. i could just imagine walking on the street and even if there are vision-impaired traffic lights, it was still difficult to get through the day with a walking stick and trying to manage around. i'm amazed at people who successfully get on and off the bus and find their way around town.
i see such a man on my street. sometimes, i want to help him but that might cause him embarrassment, so i just let him be as "normal" as any person can be, as he is guided by his walking stick.
God is good. i heard that people with disabilities are gifted with other talents to make up for their lack in the other areas of sensory perception. i'm glad for that.
so, for those few minutes of my life, i couldn't see any perceptible image even with the almost non-existing light emanating from the door slit. what if life was like that? just darkness ... not just physical darkness, but the darkness that envelops a person. a darkness that is foreboding. a darkness that despite the glaring sun, one is trapped in the non-existence of light. i think i would prefer physical blindness over that.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Get out of yourselves!!!
Thanks Sarah for sharing this to us. I'd like to share it too.
===
Lifted from Another Girl At Play.
----
Please go out there and do. Live. Don't be the same as yesterday. Don't live vicariously online. Don't use language that has no meaning or talk ideas you don't really live. Don't hide. Don't copy others or live their ideas or life. Don't fear doing your thing. Don't fear doing. Instead of reading a decorating magazine, paint that room. Instead of thinking of baking, do up a cake. Run, walk, bike. Put that self help book down and pick up yourself.
Let go of the snark, your worries, your anger and fear and give into possibility, action, joy and life. Do. Do some more. Stop thinking about you. Stop blogging about just you and your kid and your pet. There's a world out there to connect to, really connect to and email doesn't count. Being of use is more important than being popular. Think about the lady down the street, the person at the drive through, the man fallen in the street, about politics, the environment, healthcare, another country and then do something about it. Never stop at thinking.
Dream big, work harder. Have lots of fun, lift a finger, do something for someone else. Cheer your friends on. Cheer yourself up. Celebrate as much as possible. Enjoy everything. Right now. It's OK to want more and do more but be present with where you are or who you are with. Don't rush the situation - even if it's bad. Move on when you can. Don't settle. Try everything you can and get over everything holding you back.
Go outside. Go outside yourself. Make a difference, make some change. Don't complain about someone unless you're talking to that someone. Don't complain about a situation you're not willing to make better. They don't have it better and you don't have it worse. Don't make excuses. You'll never see possibility if you do. And you're smart and worth more than settling for a life of complaining and limitation.
Hope. Hope more. Give someone else hope. Get healthy and contribute to a healthy environment. Think about everything you do, you buy, you say. Only be lazy on Sunday and even then, be conscious. Rest is useful, giving up is not.
Live with a light heart. Play more. Remember what it's like to be seven. Remember to listen to a seven year old because you just have more words and life experience, not necessarily more wisdom. Have more questions than answers and don't put everything into words. Sometimes just feel things and be. Be quiet more often, listen harder, talk exactly as you mean to.
Strive for your best and not what you think someone elses' best is. Follow through. Don't let others down. Don't let yourself down. You are better than your circumstances. Ask for what you're worth. Make magic happen don't wish for it. Don't envy others' lives, envy yours. Live it fully. Teach by example how to live well, how to be treated, how to be kind, how to be alive.
Do. I can't stress that one enough. Take action on your life. Make the change. No more sulking, waiting, thinking, reading, talking about. It's time. You're ready.
Terry's composition about God
After mass last night, Terry approached Missy's guitar, which I was holding. I asked him if he played and he started strumming away as he took the guitar from me. And he said "yes, I play". He started showing off to my delight of course ... I had my private concert. He's our new youth coordinator and he had just moved here a few weeks ago. He's also recently married to a wonderful lady named Barbara. He said that he was thinking of setting up a "praise and worship" session. I said that would be really exciting. I love praise and worship. Even if I don't sing as well as others, I love to sing about God. I love to feel the music and I love to pour out my heart, my tears and just let go and let the music embrace me. Afterall, singing is praying twice.
Terry shared his moment of doubt about his faith and came up with this composition as if God spoke to say: I am your Father, you are my child. You are not a child of darkness, but a child of day. Thanks Terry for this inspiring piece of music. I look forward to our praise and worship sessions at John XXIII.
Terry shared his moment of doubt about his faith and came up with this composition as if God spoke to say: I am your Father, you are my child. You are not a child of darkness, but a child of day. Thanks Terry for this inspiring piece of music. I look forward to our praise and worship sessions at John XXIII.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
jamie's culinary wisdom translate into life's lessons
i was at dinner last night with the amazing chef, jamie viray, my cousin!!! missy, her and i were in the assembly line of dish washing. i was soaping the dishes, missy was rinsing them and she was drying them. we started talking about her uncanny ability to create sumptuous meals while handling cutlery, the plates and noticing what missy was saying about my dish washing ability. missy said and i quote "i would do it a totally different way". jamie jumps in
with "you're so OC, ate, and that's why you're cooking is not improving". uh-oh. what did she just say? before that statement was another conversation about missy faithfully following her cheesecake recipe as compared to jamie's wild passion for throwing food together and coming up with a masterpiece. we had some of her samples last night - stuffed mushrooms with improvised hot dog filling (i think it's way better than if she had stuck with the original ham stuffing) and her braised fig dessert topped with mangoes, sesame seed and honey. but what she said about following the recipe struck me ... she said sometimes, you just have to step out of bounds. you just have to not follow the recipe. of course, she was only referring to cooking but i was translating it in life. how many times have relationships, religion or just anything we do become legalistic because we are simply following the "norm"? or the prescribed way of doing things?
she was right ... to add spice to life was to step out of our comfort zones and to do something new. i am not calling for anarchy here ... i'm just talking about being different and not being a cookie-cutter-mold type of person.
it takes much to be different. if you see jamie with her artistic outfits, you can see that she redefines beauty and she is not afraid of wearing shocking colours or wearing ensembles that may not "work" for some people. she carries herself well and she knows when to exercise her uniqueness.
so, little cuz ... thanks for that realization. i look forward to your cooking and i look forward to the many lessons you will teach me as you now embark on your journey to self-discovery. God bless always. Love you!
Ode to Missy, her cheesecake and her music
(here missy ha ... i'm writing about you ... hehe ... )
it was one evening in april 2004. i had just arrived in geneva and didn't have any friends yet. mama would drag me everywhere including all the filipino community events and prayer meetings we could attend. we were at a birthday party of my mom's friend (which was providential because that's the same friend that helped me get my first stint at the ILO. i guess i could say it was a blessed night.)
that's where i met missy, who was wearing a white top with her hair all over her face, i thought she was sleeping. i don't remember if she told me she was bored or i told her that i was but we started talking amidst the loud prophecy video that the rest of the party was listening to. and we got on to the topic of her changing universities and that she was writing an essay. i said i had finished journalism and that maybe i could help her draft it. (she already had a draft. :)) so i said, just come over anytime. and you know what? she did! the following day. (we had a photoshoot too that same day. hehe. my first ever in geneva.) this is the part where i should say ... and the rest is history ...
but it's more than that ... it's been four years. she's been my longest friend here in geneva. we've been through each others highs and lows and we're still close friends, as ever. at first, we didn't see each other much. she was hanging out with my neighbour more often. they had the same name. she had a boyfriend, i had someone too. we would just see each other occasionally.
then before we knew it, our friendship was going beyond the trivial and going to the spiritual. she was always a pillar of strength in terms of faith. she gave me inspirational verses in my lowest moments. she brought me to her young christian group meetings. she tried to involve me in a lot of christian activities. i came when i could but then i was also getting busy with my own church.
i was going through some rough patches with my relationship which eventually ended in heartbreak and missy was there - with her cheesecake. she brought me cheesecake at work to try to cheer me up. she would bring me little things that she made herself. my gifts from her have always been well-thought out and well-made (if she made them). she remembers (even at times, she doesn't remember other things hehe) those things that are important to me. for my last birthday, she gave me a bag hanger because she knew i didn't like to put my bag on the floor. we are both OC. hehe. she with washing the dishes. hehe. peace missy. so, her cheesecake. one time, i was feeling low again and she had brought me cheesecake and she concluded that that was her special medicine for me. her cure-all cheesecake. she makes lovely cheesecake and i requested her to make it for my last birtday, which she faithfully did.
speaking of my last birthday ... being her OC self and my need for assistance, she didn't even ask but decided to arrange my balcony post-haste before my guests arrived. by now, she was no longer a guest. haha! she also cleaned up the balcony and arranged the tables to look as if we were in her favourite cafe, fleurs de maries (which used to be near my previous apartment).
missy is not just a wonderful cook, organizer and overall beauty (inside and out), prayer partner and all the other things i could say but she might tell me to stop now ... but i would like to mention that she is a wonderful musician. when i first met her, she took me to her place and she jammed with our other friend, jowan. she was just starting to master the guitar and she already took years of piano. so, i was really overly amazed at her passion for music. it now translates into her service at church.
i told her today after mass that she played wonderfully. although her cantor and her seemed to be less coordinated than usual, her music carried whatever uncoordination there was.
but most of all, it's not missy's ability to cook a "forget-your-name" cheesecake or her wonderful music that makes me stand in awe of her, it's her magnanimous show of faith and her strong conviction to answer the call of God. i don't know if i can share it here ... but let's just say that God asked her to do something that required her to sacrifice all that she has come to know, to bear many burdens and still she chose to answer His call. i honour her. through her faith journey, i always told her that i was so amazed because i don't know if i could do the same. i was glad to be part of her faith journey ... and will forever be part of it. diba missy? hehe ...
she has proven to me that the best way to say "i love you" is to show it in the many ways that a person can.
so, missy, thank you for teaching me to show my love ...
(missy is also summa cum laude! did i forget to mention that? haha - ok, missy, i will stop na!)
it was one evening in april 2004. i had just arrived in geneva and didn't have any friends yet. mama would drag me everywhere including all the filipino community events and prayer meetings we could attend. we were at a birthday party of my mom's friend (which was providential because that's the same friend that helped me get my first stint at the ILO. i guess i could say it was a blessed night.)
that's where i met missy, who was wearing a white top with her hair all over her face, i thought she was sleeping. i don't remember if she told me she was bored or i told her that i was but we started talking amidst the loud prophecy video that the rest of the party was listening to. and we got on to the topic of her changing universities and that she was writing an essay. i said i had finished journalism and that maybe i could help her draft it. (she already had a draft. :)) so i said, just come over anytime. and you know what? she did! the following day. (we had a photoshoot too that same day. hehe. my first ever in geneva.) this is the part where i should say ... and the rest is history ...
but it's more than that ... it's been four years. she's been my longest friend here in geneva. we've been through each others highs and lows and we're still close friends, as ever. at first, we didn't see each other much. she was hanging out with my neighbour more often. they had the same name. she had a boyfriend, i had someone too. we would just see each other occasionally.
then before we knew it, our friendship was going beyond the trivial and going to the spiritual. she was always a pillar of strength in terms of faith. she gave me inspirational verses in my lowest moments. she brought me to her young christian group meetings. she tried to involve me in a lot of christian activities. i came when i could but then i was also getting busy with my own church.
i was going through some rough patches with my relationship which eventually ended in heartbreak and missy was there - with her cheesecake. she brought me cheesecake at work to try to cheer me up. she would bring me little things that she made herself. my gifts from her have always been well-thought out and well-made (if she made them). she remembers (even at times, she doesn't remember other things hehe) those things that are important to me. for my last birthday, she gave me a bag hanger because she knew i didn't like to put my bag on the floor. we are both OC. hehe. she with washing the dishes. hehe. peace missy. so, her cheesecake. one time, i was feeling low again and she had brought me cheesecake and she concluded that that was her special medicine for me. her cure-all cheesecake. she makes lovely cheesecake and i requested her to make it for my last birtday, which she faithfully did.
speaking of my last birthday ... being her OC self and my need for assistance, she didn't even ask but decided to arrange my balcony post-haste before my guests arrived. by now, she was no longer a guest. haha! she also cleaned up the balcony and arranged the tables to look as if we were in her favourite cafe, fleurs de maries (which used to be near my previous apartment).
missy is not just a wonderful cook, organizer and overall beauty (inside and out), prayer partner and all the other things i could say but she might tell me to stop now ... but i would like to mention that she is a wonderful musician. when i first met her, she took me to her place and she jammed with our other friend, jowan. she was just starting to master the guitar and she already took years of piano. so, i was really overly amazed at her passion for music. it now translates into her service at church.
i told her today after mass that she played wonderfully. although her cantor and her seemed to be less coordinated than usual, her music carried whatever uncoordination there was.
but most of all, it's not missy's ability to cook a "forget-your-name" cheesecake or her wonderful music that makes me stand in awe of her, it's her magnanimous show of faith and her strong conviction to answer the call of God. i don't know if i can share it here ... but let's just say that God asked her to do something that required her to sacrifice all that she has come to know, to bear many burdens and still she chose to answer His call. i honour her. through her faith journey, i always told her that i was so amazed because i don't know if i could do the same. i was glad to be part of her faith journey ... and will forever be part of it. diba missy? hehe ...
she has proven to me that the best way to say "i love you" is to show it in the many ways that a person can.
so, missy, thank you for teaching me to show my love ...
(missy is also summa cum laude! did i forget to mention that? haha - ok, missy, i will stop na!)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Poverty of life and spirit
It was early morning and I had just gotten out of the metro station and took a jeepney to get to my next destination when I passed through the streets of Pasay in the Philippines. I saw a little boy naked on the sidewalk curb defecating into a plastic bag held by someone old enough to be his grandmother.
Coming from a third world country, it wasn't unusual to see poverty, suffering or the lack of facilities. But seeing that boy made me realize how difficult it really is for people to live in extreme poverty.
What is poverty? In economic terms, it's living on less than a dollar a day. But poverty doesn't only refer to income. It refers to the lack of basic needs such as food, safe drinking water, sanitation facilities, health, shelter, education and information. The Copenhagen Declaration, a product of the UN World Summit on Social Development, said that if these basic needs are not met, one is experiencing poverty regardless of income. Poverty cannot be reduced to numbers because it has a human face.
The world is experiencing a multitude of poverty right now. If we're just talking about economic poverty, half of the world's population is living under $2.50 a day (World Bank Development Indicators 2008). The poor continue to become poorer and the gap between the wealthy and the poor continues to grow.
There's a problem of malnutrition in Africa, the financial crisis has rendered many homeless in the United States, banks are closing. But what does this mean for the common man? It means that more and more people are living without the basic needs necessary to lead a dignified life.
The most affected are the children. According to UNICEF, 26,500-30,000 children die each year due to poverty. Due to poverty, economic migrants leave their homelands in the hope of giving their children a better tomorrow. The social costs of migration has been high as families have become broken. Some children without proper adult supervision have resorted to drugs, alcohol and petty criminality to fill the void in their lives wrought by the lack of a mother or a father.
When one is lacking, it dehumanizes. It makes one resort to begging, to thievery, to all sorts of activities that may not be in accordance with the moral values of the person because it boils down to need. One cannot eat principles.
Everybody needs to eat, drink, have a home and be healthy. Education becomes secondary. The reasoning behind it is that when one doesn't have anything to eat or drink, then they may not be healthy enough to go to school, to work, to look after their needs.
I know people who live in squatters. I experienced having to go to the toilet without flushing water. I walked amongst the canals, the stench and the garbage strewn on the streets. I saw the tin roofs held down by old car tires, the octopus-like electrical wiring, the stored water in drums. But there are also parts that are clean, organized and safe. IT doesn't have to be this way.
We can all do our part to help humanity get out of its poverty.
I recently attended a recollection on Gawad Kalinga. It spoke about loving until it hurts. As Christians, we believe that we should love God as well as our neighbours. We are called to exercise love until it hurts.
GK's aim is to bring glad tidings to the poor. It's a multisectoral approach to not only addressing poverty by building homes, but also creating the environment that teaches people to provide for themselves and to take responsibility for their lives. GK believes that it's not enough just to give a person a home, it's also about being there for others.
The GK culture is built on:
1. Giving not taking
2. Encouraging not blaming
3. Inclusion not exclusion
4. Humility not arrogance
5. Cooperation not competition
It embraces the "less for self, more for others, enough for all" mentality so that truly we can contribute to the eradication of poverty by not focusing on our own needs. We all have something to give.
I was moved by a video shown during a recollection when a poor man gave his little piece of land, all that he owned, to build houses for 80 other families.
We need to grow a heart for the poor, to go out of our comfort zones and to stop looking inward only towards ourselves. We have a responsibility to our neighbours. We can't just keep praying because faith without action is dead. The adage says "true richness is in the following of the hidden Christ who is always among the poor".
Because we have the means to help, we should help the poor rise from death. Not just physical death but the death that overcomes someone who has lost all hope in life and in humanity. We should be a living hope!
If we are children of God, we should respond to the call of lifting our brothers and sisters out of poverty. But poverty also has a spiritual dimension. The richest of the richest also experiences lack ... lack of love, lack of appreciation, insecurities, depression, losing the will to live, etc. Things that paralyzes man because of a broken self-image. We are not only called to give from our pockets but also give that which as been given to us freely and abundantly - the gift of love. Be there for others.
I was talking to a friend today who when immersed in far-flung communities teaches her exasperated students that even if it seems that they're not making a difference, tells them that it's not the teaching of students per se that makes a difference but it's the thought of someone caring.
I read a forwarded message quoted from Bo Sanchez that said it's not the grand show of giving material gifts to a loved that matters, it's being there that matters.
When you have all the riches in the world yet you live and die unloved and unwanted - Mother Teresa said this is the greatest poverty. Even in her own spiritual poverty as she felt the 40 years of silence between her and God, she never ceased to show all the love that she could muster. She didn't look at her own suffering, but those of the others.
Let us do the same to help not only the materially poor but those who are also in need of that life-giving love.
Coming from a third world country, it wasn't unusual to see poverty, suffering or the lack of facilities. But seeing that boy made me realize how difficult it really is for people to live in extreme poverty.
What is poverty? In economic terms, it's living on less than a dollar a day. But poverty doesn't only refer to income. It refers to the lack of basic needs such as food, safe drinking water, sanitation facilities, health, shelter, education and information. The Copenhagen Declaration, a product of the UN World Summit on Social Development, said that if these basic needs are not met, one is experiencing poverty regardless of income. Poverty cannot be reduced to numbers because it has a human face.
The world is experiencing a multitude of poverty right now. If we're just talking about economic poverty, half of the world's population is living under $2.50 a day (World Bank Development Indicators 2008). The poor continue to become poorer and the gap between the wealthy and the poor continues to grow.
There's a problem of malnutrition in Africa, the financial crisis has rendered many homeless in the United States, banks are closing. But what does this mean for the common man? It means that more and more people are living without the basic needs necessary to lead a dignified life.
The most affected are the children. According to UNICEF, 26,500-30,000 children die each year due to poverty. Due to poverty, economic migrants leave their homelands in the hope of giving their children a better tomorrow. The social costs of migration has been high as families have become broken. Some children without proper adult supervision have resorted to drugs, alcohol and petty criminality to fill the void in their lives wrought by the lack of a mother or a father.
When one is lacking, it dehumanizes. It makes one resort to begging, to thievery, to all sorts of activities that may not be in accordance with the moral values of the person because it boils down to need. One cannot eat principles.
Everybody needs to eat, drink, have a home and be healthy. Education becomes secondary. The reasoning behind it is that when one doesn't have anything to eat or drink, then they may not be healthy enough to go to school, to work, to look after their needs.
I know people who live in squatters. I experienced having to go to the toilet without flushing water. I walked amongst the canals, the stench and the garbage strewn on the streets. I saw the tin roofs held down by old car tires, the octopus-like electrical wiring, the stored water in drums. But there are also parts that are clean, organized and safe. IT doesn't have to be this way.
We can all do our part to help humanity get out of its poverty.
I recently attended a recollection on Gawad Kalinga. It spoke about loving until it hurts. As Christians, we believe that we should love God as well as our neighbours. We are called to exercise love until it hurts.
GK's aim is to bring glad tidings to the poor. It's a multisectoral approach to not only addressing poverty by building homes, but also creating the environment that teaches people to provide for themselves and to take responsibility for their lives. GK believes that it's not enough just to give a person a home, it's also about being there for others.
The GK culture is built on:
1. Giving not taking
2. Encouraging not blaming
3. Inclusion not exclusion
4. Humility not arrogance
5. Cooperation not competition
It embraces the "less for self, more for others, enough for all" mentality so that truly we can contribute to the eradication of poverty by not focusing on our own needs. We all have something to give.
I was moved by a video shown during a recollection when a poor man gave his little piece of land, all that he owned, to build houses for 80 other families.
We need to grow a heart for the poor, to go out of our comfort zones and to stop looking inward only towards ourselves. We have a responsibility to our neighbours. We can't just keep praying because faith without action is dead. The adage says "true richness is in the following of the hidden Christ who is always among the poor".
Because we have the means to help, we should help the poor rise from death. Not just physical death but the death that overcomes someone who has lost all hope in life and in humanity. We should be a living hope!
If we are children of God, we should respond to the call of lifting our brothers and sisters out of poverty. But poverty also has a spiritual dimension. The richest of the richest also experiences lack ... lack of love, lack of appreciation, insecurities, depression, losing the will to live, etc. Things that paralyzes man because of a broken self-image. We are not only called to give from our pockets but also give that which as been given to us freely and abundantly - the gift of love. Be there for others.
I was talking to a friend today who when immersed in far-flung communities teaches her exasperated students that even if it seems that they're not making a difference, tells them that it's not the teaching of students per se that makes a difference but it's the thought of someone caring.
I read a forwarded message quoted from Bo Sanchez that said it's not the grand show of giving material gifts to a loved that matters, it's being there that matters.
When you have all the riches in the world yet you live and die unloved and unwanted - Mother Teresa said this is the greatest poverty. Even in her own spiritual poverty as she felt the 40 years of silence between her and God, she never ceased to show all the love that she could muster. She didn't look at her own suffering, but those of the others.
Let us do the same to help not only the materially poor but those who are also in need of that life-giving love.
Explosion
Energy bursts in all direction
Consuming me
My mind cannot contain it
My body tries to understand
The emotions
The thought
The moment
There is something in me
Trying to get out
An energy
Propelling me
Like an explosion
Whose remnants pierce my soul
I am a mere spectator
Of what's within
My head pulsates
My heart palpitates
My veins electrified
With unused energy
I sigh
I close my eyes
I cover my ears
Silence.
I explode.
Consuming me
My mind cannot contain it
My body tries to understand
The emotions
The thought
The moment
There is something in me
Trying to get out
An energy
Propelling me
Like an explosion
Whose remnants pierce my soul
I am a mere spectator
Of what's within
My head pulsates
My heart palpitates
My veins electrified
With unused energy
I sigh
I close my eyes
I cover my ears
Silence.
I explode.
So frustrated
I lost yet another article, that's two!, an article I spent hours and poured mental sweat over. Now, it's lost in the emptiness of cyberspace. I should've listened to my friend to draft my works in WordPad or NotePad. I hate the feeling of losing something that I've worked so hard on. But I guess that's the lesson I'm learning - take care of those things that are important to you. Listen to good advice. On the other hand, I could just reinvent the wheel! Waah!
I have always had a thing for writing on materials that's at least nice to look at or smooth.
When I went to high school in Abu Dhabi and our supplies were given by the school, I asked the registrar if I could have another set, not the one with the Teenage Mutant Turtles. I wouldn't be able to concentrate and to write on them. I spent all afternoon arguing. I was so feisty but I met a wall. My brother, bless his kindness, agreed to exchange with me just to get me out of the registrar's office.
Nowadays, I write on anything I can - even restaurant napkins! But I still had that old mentality when I write on my blog. It's like having nice paper to look and to type on. So, I would draft my works there, oblivious to the fact that it's happened before, I've lost my entries while drafting on my Multiply site. So, now, I'm typing this on a WordPad document with its rudimentary look. I guess I should just be thankful for the fact that I could write on something. Sigh. Yes, Lord, the simple things ...
So, I'm back to my mental drawing board. Grrr!!!
But thank God for the opportunity to restart.
I have always had a thing for writing on materials that's at least nice to look at or smooth.
When I went to high school in Abu Dhabi and our supplies were given by the school, I asked the registrar if I could have another set, not the one with the Teenage Mutant Turtles. I wouldn't be able to concentrate and to write on them. I spent all afternoon arguing. I was so feisty but I met a wall. My brother, bless his kindness, agreed to exchange with me just to get me out of the registrar's office.
Nowadays, I write on anything I can - even restaurant napkins! But I still had that old mentality when I write on my blog. It's like having nice paper to look and to type on. So, I would draft my works there, oblivious to the fact that it's happened before, I've lost my entries while drafting on my Multiply site. So, now, I'm typing this on a WordPad document with its rudimentary look. I guess I should just be thankful for the fact that I could write on something. Sigh. Yes, Lord, the simple things ...
So, I'm back to my mental drawing board. Grrr!!!
But thank God for the opportunity to restart.
Let me be
I feel like I'm moving too much again
Like a chicken with its head cut off
running in circles with no direction
I need to take a break,
I need to breathe,
I need to find my centre,
God, I need you.
Let me not let the world
consume me
Let me not lose you
as my focus.
Let me be at peace
Let me be with you
Let me find you
In my life.
Let me be.
Like a chicken with its head cut off
running in circles with no direction
I need to take a break,
I need to breathe,
I need to find my centre,
God, I need you.
Let me not let the world
consume me
Let me not lose you
as my focus.
Let me be at peace
Let me be with you
Let me find you
In my life.
Let me be.
Monday, October 13, 2008
intellectualizing love
we were four women seated around a little round table, sipping our caramel machiattos and white mocca cafe and talking about the most pressing thing that could ever be talked about - love! as each of us opened up on the topic, it wasn't something that was utterly cerebral but mostly heartfelt statements that emanated from the core of love - the heart.
one of us even cried as she remembered a love past and how she would go on in the present and move on to the future. we had among us a married woman who offered us practical advice and lessons learned on embarking on relationships that are bound to last a lifetime. what to look for? what to expect? she gave this salient advice: you have to be on the same page and share the same dreams or goals because you need to move in one direction. otherwise, it would just be unnecessary tugging.
i cherished that moment when the four of us sat there baring our souls. laughing, crying and giving advice.
later that evening, i spoke to another friend. and that's when i realized that you cannot intellectualize love. there is no amount of discussion or analysis that could quantify, qualify or detail in a report a love worth a lifetime. sometimes to even put reasoning to love becomes illogical in itself because the mind sometimes cannot fathom love. only the heart understands.
i watched vicky christina barcelona last saturday and i remember the line of the leading man, juan antonio, when he spoke about his father's poetry not being pubished: it's a form of rebellion to produce great works and to withhold it to the public because after thousands of years, man still has not learned to love.
love sometimes happens at the most unexpected moments like lightning striking. to try to understand it with the mind would become futile if the heart is not giving a prodding. one must try to comprehend love in the unit that it is measured: love.
one of us even cried as she remembered a love past and how she would go on in the present and move on to the future. we had among us a married woman who offered us practical advice and lessons learned on embarking on relationships that are bound to last a lifetime. what to look for? what to expect? she gave this salient advice: you have to be on the same page and share the same dreams or goals because you need to move in one direction. otherwise, it would just be unnecessary tugging.
i cherished that moment when the four of us sat there baring our souls. laughing, crying and giving advice.
later that evening, i spoke to another friend. and that's when i realized that you cannot intellectualize love. there is no amount of discussion or analysis that could quantify, qualify or detail in a report a love worth a lifetime. sometimes to even put reasoning to love becomes illogical in itself because the mind sometimes cannot fathom love. only the heart understands.
i watched vicky christina barcelona last saturday and i remember the line of the leading man, juan antonio, when he spoke about his father's poetry not being pubished: it's a form of rebellion to produce great works and to withhold it to the public because after thousands of years, man still has not learned to love.
love sometimes happens at the most unexpected moments like lightning striking. to try to understand it with the mind would become futile if the heart is not giving a prodding. one must try to comprehend love in the unit that it is measured: love.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
living for the living
it was an early autumn saturday morning, golden yellow leaves were strewn on the streets. i had just run from the park and made my way to petit-saconnex, passing through another forest-like park and going towards petit-saconnex when i saw a middle-aged woman having difficulty with her groceries ... it seemed she had just come from the nearby grocery. she stopped a few metres in front of me and she reposititioned herself to carry the two heavy bags. i was mulling over the idea of offering help ... but decided to keep running and i kept looking back at her as she tried to manage her load. i was on my way to the cemetery (again) because i was in the area and i thought i'd say hi to the dead and share their peace. but as soon as i got in, made the sign of the cross, i stopped dead in my tracks. i made a u-turn and tried to run after the lady.
the thought hit me ... i keep praying to God to give me opportunities to help, yet i didn't take this one. so i ran as fast as i could, reached her as she lay her groceries once again on the ground ... i asked her in french "would you like some help? it seems that you're having a difficult time with your bags." she said, "it's nice of you but my husband is just coming." just then i saw her husband making his way to her. i bid her farewell and that i hoped she would have a good day. she smiled.
then i ran as fast as i could trying to erase the sorrow that i felt. i didn't help soon enough! how many times, in our lives have we put off trying to help someone because we hesitated and to find out that when we finally take the courage, it's too late.
i kept thinking as i ran trying to outjog my disappointment in myself. i didn't return to the cemetery but continued to pour over the thought - our lives are meant for the living, to be with the living, to love the living, to help the living, to be alive in every sense of the word and to really be there for others when they need us.
the rest of saturday was about being there for others. i had gone with a friend to cressy to inquire about the spa and massage facilities. it was a lovely trip albeit far, i still was in the frame of mind of living for the living and being there for others. after inquiring and knowing that they didn't have any available place, we decided to take merienda of tea and shared apple pastry. we talked about life and writing. when it was time to go, i was debating whether i should go to the forum on migration and development or just go with my friend and accompany him as he does his groceries. i decided to go to the forum.
at the forum, the topics of social costs of migration, optimizing the diaspora for development and surviving in geneva as a migrant were discussed. here again, as a migrant and part of the diaspora ... i thought, how could we help? i had arrived late and just caught the last part of dr. manuel dayrit's presentation and listened intently to the next speaker, elizabeth warn of the international organization for migration. i was glad that she had discussed practical tips on how the diaspora, the migrants abroad, could link up with their home communities and to give back to the country not just on a hometown basis but on a national scope. she mentioned the colombia experience where a web portal (redes) was established to match needs of the country of origin with those that can be given by the diaspora. i asked her about this after the talk.
it was not only a forum but a workshop. i joined the second group which was about optimizing the diaspora. i wanted to see the practical applications of how we can really help. i think i will delve on the topic on a separate entry.
i'm citing these examples because again, we are here to help those that can still benefit from our help. those that are still living.
this morning, at mass, i was so moved as two parishioners held hands to say the "our father". the male parishioner, who had just recovered from a kidney transplant and still had his hospital ID tag on his wrist took the hand of another female parishioner in a wheelchair, who seemed to be recovering from a stroke. they both seemed to be in their 60s. what caught my attention was the eagerness of the male parishioner and the show of affection and love for someone else other than himself. i was close to tears when i saw it. i began thinking again, how many times we've failed or i've failed to be generous with my affection to someone i didn't know or even someone i do know because of fear of rejection. here is a man who could've lost his life on the operating table giving what care he could in his living life.
later today, i attended a recollection for Gawad Kalinga. it's the first ever held here in geneva. it was an eye opener as well as another avenue to live for the living by helping the poor. (i will probably write a separate entry.) it forced us to reflect on how best we can help the poor, what was the right frame of mind - but overall, it was just how to help those that are less fortunate than us.
i often hear that God only creates opportunities for us, never really answering our prayers as we like them to be, handed to us on a silver platter. so, sometimes when opportunities come up to help and i came short ... i feel like a failure. but i will not dwell on it. i will just try harder to be there when i'm needed. to die to my own needs and to put other's needs ahead of myself. it's difficult but life is short. every opportunity is worth taking because we live for the living and not for the dead. Jesus says "let the dead bury their dead."
let's celebrate life and let's make it in the service of God and others.
the thought hit me ... i keep praying to God to give me opportunities to help, yet i didn't take this one. so i ran as fast as i could, reached her as she lay her groceries once again on the ground ... i asked her in french "would you like some help? it seems that you're having a difficult time with your bags." she said, "it's nice of you but my husband is just coming." just then i saw her husband making his way to her. i bid her farewell and that i hoped she would have a good day. she smiled.
then i ran as fast as i could trying to erase the sorrow that i felt. i didn't help soon enough! how many times, in our lives have we put off trying to help someone because we hesitated and to find out that when we finally take the courage, it's too late.
i kept thinking as i ran trying to outjog my disappointment in myself. i didn't return to the cemetery but continued to pour over the thought - our lives are meant for the living, to be with the living, to love the living, to help the living, to be alive in every sense of the word and to really be there for others when they need us.
the rest of saturday was about being there for others. i had gone with a friend to cressy to inquire about the spa and massage facilities. it was a lovely trip albeit far, i still was in the frame of mind of living for the living and being there for others. after inquiring and knowing that they didn't have any available place, we decided to take merienda of tea and shared apple pastry. we talked about life and writing. when it was time to go, i was debating whether i should go to the forum on migration and development or just go with my friend and accompany him as he does his groceries. i decided to go to the forum.
at the forum, the topics of social costs of migration, optimizing the diaspora for development and surviving in geneva as a migrant were discussed. here again, as a migrant and part of the diaspora ... i thought, how could we help? i had arrived late and just caught the last part of dr. manuel dayrit's presentation and listened intently to the next speaker, elizabeth warn of the international organization for migration. i was glad that she had discussed practical tips on how the diaspora, the migrants abroad, could link up with their home communities and to give back to the country not just on a hometown basis but on a national scope. she mentioned the colombia experience where a web portal (redes) was established to match needs of the country of origin with those that can be given by the diaspora. i asked her about this after the talk.
it was not only a forum but a workshop. i joined the second group which was about optimizing the diaspora. i wanted to see the practical applications of how we can really help. i think i will delve on the topic on a separate entry.
i'm citing these examples because again, we are here to help those that can still benefit from our help. those that are still living.
this morning, at mass, i was so moved as two parishioners held hands to say the "our father". the male parishioner, who had just recovered from a kidney transplant and still had his hospital ID tag on his wrist took the hand of another female parishioner in a wheelchair, who seemed to be recovering from a stroke. they both seemed to be in their 60s. what caught my attention was the eagerness of the male parishioner and the show of affection and love for someone else other than himself. i was close to tears when i saw it. i began thinking again, how many times we've failed or i've failed to be generous with my affection to someone i didn't know or even someone i do know because of fear of rejection. here is a man who could've lost his life on the operating table giving what care he could in his living life.
later today, i attended a recollection for Gawad Kalinga. it's the first ever held here in geneva. it was an eye opener as well as another avenue to live for the living by helping the poor. (i will probably write a separate entry.) it forced us to reflect on how best we can help the poor, what was the right frame of mind - but overall, it was just how to help those that are less fortunate than us.
i often hear that God only creates opportunities for us, never really answering our prayers as we like them to be, handed to us on a silver platter. so, sometimes when opportunities come up to help and i came short ... i feel like a failure. but i will not dwell on it. i will just try harder to be there when i'm needed. to die to my own needs and to put other's needs ahead of myself. it's difficult but life is short. every opportunity is worth taking because we live for the living and not for the dead. Jesus says "let the dead bury their dead."
let's celebrate life and let's make it in the service of God and others.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
our true mirrors ...
yes, i'm on the topic again ... it seemed to be the theme of the night. my friend and i went out to celebrate his birthday and couldn't watch what he wanted "bangkok encounter" ... so we settled with watching "mirrors". subconsciously, although we didn't intend to, we were again on the topic of mirrors. i even forgot that we were watching mirrors. we were so engrossed in our talk that we almost missed the movie. we came in just minutes before the opening credits. we were laughing.
but before we came in, we had arrived 45 minutes early and he had taken that opportunity to talk to some of his friends on the phone from his native land and i sat munching on the popcorn while seated in the cinema chairs in the lobby. we listened to the "elevator music" while watching trailers that didn't match the music. hehe. so, after his phone call, we got to talking about my writing. he said "are you ready to be criticized?". i said "yes". he said "it's when you can defend your thoughts that you are a writer". i think i already see a future critique - the good type ... not the bad kind. :)
then he asked me "would you change if your friends told you to?" i stopped to think to myself ... "would i?" i answered "no." i will not try to please people just because they want me to be someone they want me to be. he said "what about if two or three people say it? would you change?" i said "it depends on who's saying it and what they're saying ..." he said that these people who only mean good of course who try to "change" us are our true mirrors ...
then i was reminded of the johari window. it's a psychological tool used to explain the areas known to a person, known to only others and not to the person, an area known to both and a blind spot - where no one knows. how do we truly know ourselves? he was right ... by mirroring.
we rely on information we know about ourselves and confirm them by the validation of others. as the area of the known (to the person) and the known (to the other) mesh into the known to both ... then we begin to see a clearer picture of who we are.
i was also talking to another friend earlier about defining relationships. we, in tandem with others, find a sort of collective meaning by eliminating that blind spot. therefore, we open the window of ourselves to reveal the real us. that when we look in the mirror, it's not some distorted image of what others think we are, or what we think we are but a uniform image of who we are based on what we know and what others know of us.
isn't it nice to live in the light? with a big blind spot, there's a lot of feeling in the darkness. there's a lot of searching. but through time, through our friends, family and our true mirrors who take courage to correct our image for our own sakes and not for the world's then we can begin to reflect our true selves.
have you looked in the mirror lately? what did you see?
but before we came in, we had arrived 45 minutes early and he had taken that opportunity to talk to some of his friends on the phone from his native land and i sat munching on the popcorn while seated in the cinema chairs in the lobby. we listened to the "elevator music" while watching trailers that didn't match the music. hehe. so, after his phone call, we got to talking about my writing. he said "are you ready to be criticized?". i said "yes". he said "it's when you can defend your thoughts that you are a writer". i think i already see a future critique - the good type ... not the bad kind. :)
then he asked me "would you change if your friends told you to?" i stopped to think to myself ... "would i?" i answered "no." i will not try to please people just because they want me to be someone they want me to be. he said "what about if two or three people say it? would you change?" i said "it depends on who's saying it and what they're saying ..." he said that these people who only mean good of course who try to "change" us are our true mirrors ...
then i was reminded of the johari window. it's a psychological tool used to explain the areas known to a person, known to only others and not to the person, an area known to both and a blind spot - where no one knows. how do we truly know ourselves? he was right ... by mirroring.
we rely on information we know about ourselves and confirm them by the validation of others. as the area of the known (to the person) and the known (to the other) mesh into the known to both ... then we begin to see a clearer picture of who we are.
i was also talking to another friend earlier about defining relationships. we, in tandem with others, find a sort of collective meaning by eliminating that blind spot. therefore, we open the window of ourselves to reveal the real us. that when we look in the mirror, it's not some distorted image of what others think we are, or what we think we are but a uniform image of who we are based on what we know and what others know of us.
isn't it nice to live in the light? with a big blind spot, there's a lot of feeling in the darkness. there's a lot of searching. but through time, through our friends, family and our true mirrors who take courage to correct our image for our own sakes and not for the world's then we can begin to reflect our true selves.
have you looked in the mirror lately? what did you see?
opaque realities
i just got home from watching a film called "mirrors" by alex aja, with kiefer sutherland as leading man. it was one of the rare moments where i'd appreciated a good scare because the movie had such a wonderful twist. think back "sixth sense". i don't want to spoil the plot for everybody though ...
but here's some realizations:
1. we paint our own realities
2. we can be trapped in them
3. there's nothing more important than family
4. dying to one's self is really the way to love
5. we don't always see the same things even if they look the same
6. demons are real
7. evil exists
8. the good prevails
maybe i'll expound later when the film is a bit older.
i encourage everyone to watch it as it gives insight as to how we paint our realities, how life is short and that if we don't clear up the picture of our lives and see what's important, then we're just living in an opaque reality.
if you just want a good scare ... it's nice to watch too.
but here's some realizations:
1. we paint our own realities
2. we can be trapped in them
3. there's nothing more important than family
4. dying to one's self is really the way to love
5. we don't always see the same things even if they look the same
6. demons are real
7. evil exists
8. the good prevails
maybe i'll expound later when the film is a bit older.
i encourage everyone to watch it as it gives insight as to how we paint our realities, how life is short and that if we don't clear up the picture of our lives and see what's important, then we're just living in an opaque reality.
if you just want a good scare ... it's nice to watch too.
turbulent flow
did you ever wonder why sometimes when you turn on the tap, the water gushes out and sometimes, it flows smoothly?
in physics, when the water flow is smooth, it's called laminar flow. when it gushes out in all directions, it's called turbulent flow. i have to thank tatay (oca) for introducing me to the world of turbulent flow. the first time i heard it, he was speaking about his mentor, dr. amador muriel. he's a physicist who is developing a "novel" way of studying turbulent flow.
i was very excited when i heard about it while on our way to the Singles for Christ Conference in milan because it was a provoking thought. why did it gush out? why was it smooth? we were four in the car and we had plenty of time to talk. we suddenly got to the topic of dr. muriel's turbulent flow.
when i think of it, i just don't think about water, i think about life. why is it that sometimes, it seems that our life is flowing smoothly like the water in hotel rooms which seem so serene that you might think it was really designed to please the eyes of the guest; and at times it seems to gush out like an uncontrollable geyser. is it because there's somebody controlling the tap of our life? is God that invisible hand that turns our life on and off, gushing, pouring at times and sometimes, as dry as the desert with only trickles that pour from it?
i think there is a hand that controls everything but the water has a mind of its own too. again, here comes free will. we can turn on our own taps, with our magic hands. in what kind of situations? our mouths ... we can control whatever comes out of it. i heard once that's why our ears are open so we can understand all the more and that's why the mouth has a tongue, teeth and lips to make sure that if it has to open it would have passed the 3 lines of defence from uttering unkind and hurtful words. we can also control our actions. non-verbal communication plays a bigger part than uttered words.
but that's the part we can control, what about the other invisible hands that control your tap? the situations around you, the people, everything that isn't in your control. in those times, we can't help but flow like a geyser. we wait until the gush becomes controllable or we cut the main pipe. we take time to reflect, collect ourselves. keep those feelings inside and let out ourselves. we can let it out smoothly or like a gush at one go.
i learned from researching laminar flow that the water must be parallel to the stationary plate travelling at zero or more as in the case of a pipe surrounding the water so that it remains smooth. in short, everything is moving in one direction, at the same speed in relation to the stationary plate before layering and reaching the moving plate. because somehow even water has layers. it could be like flowing with the plan of God. everything flows smoothly when we're with Him. since flow is characterized by resistence, then when we go against the grain, does it become turbulent.
the key word is resistence. how much do we want to resist so that the water flow becomes as turbulent as it can get. would we need 10 firefighters to hold our flow?
what about those times when we're drying up at the well? where then does the flow come from? if we plan carefully and dig our well above a water reserve, then we will have ample water supply. wasn't it Jesus who said to the Pharisees, "Whoever believes in me, as scripture says: 'Rivers of living water will flow from within him.'" (Jn 7:38). And Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, "Jesus answered and said to her, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" (Jn. 4:13-14)
there's our ample water source: Jesus! let Him flow through you and let God be your stationary plate. if the tough gets going, let the Holy Spirit be your moving plate so that at whatever speed our life is moving, it can even out at some point because we are in the pipe of God's love.
so how do you want your life to be a laminar or turbulent flow?
in physics, when the water flow is smooth, it's called laminar flow. when it gushes out in all directions, it's called turbulent flow. i have to thank tatay (oca) for introducing me to the world of turbulent flow. the first time i heard it, he was speaking about his mentor, dr. amador muriel. he's a physicist who is developing a "novel" way of studying turbulent flow.
i was very excited when i heard about it while on our way to the Singles for Christ Conference in milan because it was a provoking thought. why did it gush out? why was it smooth? we were four in the car and we had plenty of time to talk. we suddenly got to the topic of dr. muriel's turbulent flow.
when i think of it, i just don't think about water, i think about life. why is it that sometimes, it seems that our life is flowing smoothly like the water in hotel rooms which seem so serene that you might think it was really designed to please the eyes of the guest; and at times it seems to gush out like an uncontrollable geyser. is it because there's somebody controlling the tap of our life? is God that invisible hand that turns our life on and off, gushing, pouring at times and sometimes, as dry as the desert with only trickles that pour from it?
i think there is a hand that controls everything but the water has a mind of its own too. again, here comes free will. we can turn on our own taps, with our magic hands. in what kind of situations? our mouths ... we can control whatever comes out of it. i heard once that's why our ears are open so we can understand all the more and that's why the mouth has a tongue, teeth and lips to make sure that if it has to open it would have passed the 3 lines of defence from uttering unkind and hurtful words. we can also control our actions. non-verbal communication plays a bigger part than uttered words.
but that's the part we can control, what about the other invisible hands that control your tap? the situations around you, the people, everything that isn't in your control. in those times, we can't help but flow like a geyser. we wait until the gush becomes controllable or we cut the main pipe. we take time to reflect, collect ourselves. keep those feelings inside and let out ourselves. we can let it out smoothly or like a gush at one go.
i learned from researching laminar flow that the water must be parallel to the stationary plate travelling at zero or more as in the case of a pipe surrounding the water so that it remains smooth. in short, everything is moving in one direction, at the same speed in relation to the stationary plate before layering and reaching the moving plate. because somehow even water has layers. it could be like flowing with the plan of God. everything flows smoothly when we're with Him. since flow is characterized by resistence, then when we go against the grain, does it become turbulent.
the key word is resistence. how much do we want to resist so that the water flow becomes as turbulent as it can get. would we need 10 firefighters to hold our flow?
what about those times when we're drying up at the well? where then does the flow come from? if we plan carefully and dig our well above a water reserve, then we will have ample water supply. wasn't it Jesus who said to the Pharisees, "Whoever believes in me, as scripture says: 'Rivers of living water will flow from within him.'" (Jn 7:38). And Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, "Jesus answered and said to her, 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" (Jn. 4:13-14)
there's our ample water source: Jesus! let Him flow through you and let God be your stationary plate. if the tough gets going, let the Holy Spirit be your moving plate so that at whatever speed our life is moving, it can even out at some point because we are in the pipe of God's love.
so how do you want your life to be a laminar or turbulent flow?
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
able-bodied disability
as i was walking home yesterday, i saw the usual football (soccer) practices at the varembe stadium near my house. i saw children aged 10 or 11 with their football shoes, one with neon spikes! as i watched the little boys, i also saw a little girl. she was wearing a loose maroon shirt and baggy shorts, with her long curly auburn hair tied back over her broad shoulders. she watched the two little boys and had the look of beckoning in her eyes as if to say "can i play with you?" she also looked a little masculine. whether that masculinity will stay till adolescence well into adulthood, only time can tell.
when i had deposited my things at home i went for a longer walk/jog (more walk than jog) before going to a friend's house. from far off, i saw a little girl being pushed by a carer (maybe her mother) in her colourful wheelchair. i vaguely remember whether it was her wearing the colours or that her wheelchair had colourful wheels with kaleidoscopic designs on them. all i remember is seeing the colours from about 100 metres away and seeing the little girl. she seemed happy.
then i thought to myself ... look at that girl, enjoying her "walk" and seeing life. then i thought about our blind translator here who comes in to translate day in and day out.
what do all these three have in common? disabilities.
the first girl is disabled by societal norms. she is not "normal" as she is a little girl playing soccer with the boys. the second and third are physical disabilities.
i once asked a priest, if disabled people have crutches, hearing aids, etc., then what do gay people have? he couldn't answer me. i often think that to myself ... what is a gay person's crutch? if God made us the way we are supposed to be, gay people included, then maybe we are supposed to make the most of what we have and have a sort of positive "crutch" to help us live as normally as possible.
not everybody would say that a girl playing with a ball was bad but some also would. girls "should" be playing with dolls. aha! so, no more girl engineers who like to play with tools! and no boys around the sewing table! i just found out last night that a guy friend sews! i was amazed and felt frustrated again as i want to sew my curtains! it's only a straight line after all! but that's another story.
see, there's a lot of should's and shouldn'ts in this world. the social sciences would like to call it all "social constructs". in the Bible in Genesis, it's said: He created man in His image, Man and Woman, He created them. one colleague told me: the literal interpretation would be the anatomical man and woman. but God is infinite in His ways: we are all made with more or less testosterone or estrogen in both species. thus, you have effeminate men and muscular women.
i got to talking to my colleague about "insecurities" which i think is an able-bodied disability. it's similar to my concept of "prisoners of our minds". we are only restricted by the confines of our minds. if we are constricted by the confines of our bodies, there are ways to go around that disability. but what do we do when the disability lies in ourselves? what is our crutch? who should we call?
repeat these words to yourselves: I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM LOVED, I AM FORGIVEN BY THE MERCY OF GOD. (something i learned from my mom who got the mantra from the Dominican Sisters of Regina Rosarii.)
you are beautiful, you are loved, you are forgiven by the mercy of God. who can argue with that?
when i had deposited my things at home i went for a longer walk/jog (more walk than jog) before going to a friend's house. from far off, i saw a little girl being pushed by a carer (maybe her mother) in her colourful wheelchair. i vaguely remember whether it was her wearing the colours or that her wheelchair had colourful wheels with kaleidoscopic designs on them. all i remember is seeing the colours from about 100 metres away and seeing the little girl. she seemed happy.
then i thought to myself ... look at that girl, enjoying her "walk" and seeing life. then i thought about our blind translator here who comes in to translate day in and day out.
what do all these three have in common? disabilities.
the first girl is disabled by societal norms. she is not "normal" as she is a little girl playing soccer with the boys. the second and third are physical disabilities.
i once asked a priest, if disabled people have crutches, hearing aids, etc., then what do gay people have? he couldn't answer me. i often think that to myself ... what is a gay person's crutch? if God made us the way we are supposed to be, gay people included, then maybe we are supposed to make the most of what we have and have a sort of positive "crutch" to help us live as normally as possible.
not everybody would say that a girl playing with a ball was bad but some also would. girls "should" be playing with dolls. aha! so, no more girl engineers who like to play with tools! and no boys around the sewing table! i just found out last night that a guy friend sews! i was amazed and felt frustrated again as i want to sew my curtains! it's only a straight line after all! but that's another story.
see, there's a lot of should's and shouldn'ts in this world. the social sciences would like to call it all "social constructs". in the Bible in Genesis, it's said: He created man in His image, Man and Woman, He created them. one colleague told me: the literal interpretation would be the anatomical man and woman. but God is infinite in His ways: we are all made with more or less testosterone or estrogen in both species. thus, you have effeminate men and muscular women.
i got to talking to my colleague about "insecurities" which i think is an able-bodied disability. it's similar to my concept of "prisoners of our minds". we are only restricted by the confines of our minds. if we are constricted by the confines of our bodies, there are ways to go around that disability. but what do we do when the disability lies in ourselves? what is our crutch? who should we call?
repeat these words to yourselves: I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM LOVED, I AM FORGIVEN BY THE MERCY OF GOD. (something i learned from my mom who got the mantra from the Dominican Sisters of Regina Rosarii.)
you are beautiful, you are loved, you are forgiven by the mercy of God. who can argue with that?
a blessing to many ...
she was born into a hindu family but her faith journey of 33 years took her to the foot of the Cross. from india, to the middle east, to switzerland, it has been a journey to God - living the Gospel's giving up everything - even leaving the family she loves. this year, she was received into the universal catholic church and her story doesn't end there ... every day she gives praise to God. she offers her life. she says to me "i cannot make one step without God".
she has had three deaths in her family in the last year and just recently her sister. she is consumed by pain yet she feels light. she knows that God will take care of her.
i am blessed to have her as my friend. to receive warm hugs from a person that even through her own sorrow would say that she loves me and hug me tight. i feel the love that Christ has given her that has left her whole despite all the brokenness of this world.
we talked last night and she told me that once she starts talking about her life, people are touched. i believe her. i myself is teary eyed as i remember her life, as i write about it. she is such a blessing. all she wants is to speak of God. she is discerning whether God is calling her to be in His service as a nun.
not a day passes when she doesn't go to Mass. she sits in the same place and it was my mom who got to know her. (they even have the same birthday.) they were "classmates" at daily Mass. even though a hindu, she went to Mass and didn't receive communion. my mom never asked her why. she only told me yesterday that after her conversion, my mom commented "ah. now i know why you didn't receive communion". she considers my mom as her mom too so that makes us sisters. i'm blessed to have her as a sister because i am an only girl with four brothers. i look up to her strength of faith, her character, her total surrender to His Will ... to a life lived in testimony of God's love.
she repeated it many times during our conversation last night. love. love. love. yes, we are all called to love and to love God with all our hearts, mind and soul, she emphasized.
she asked me to write her story and i am honoured. i hope that i will give justice and legacy to a life that has inspired so many. a life that even though life's struggle has beaten her physical body, her spirit is whole and in the tender loving care of God the Father, cradled in the arms of God the Son and breathed with zeal for God's work by the Holy Spirit.
God bless you, Ate Jenny. I love you very much.
she has had three deaths in her family in the last year and just recently her sister. she is consumed by pain yet she feels light. she knows that God will take care of her.
i am blessed to have her as my friend. to receive warm hugs from a person that even through her own sorrow would say that she loves me and hug me tight. i feel the love that Christ has given her that has left her whole despite all the brokenness of this world.
we talked last night and she told me that once she starts talking about her life, people are touched. i believe her. i myself is teary eyed as i remember her life, as i write about it. she is such a blessing. all she wants is to speak of God. she is discerning whether God is calling her to be in His service as a nun.
not a day passes when she doesn't go to Mass. she sits in the same place and it was my mom who got to know her. (they even have the same birthday.) they were "classmates" at daily Mass. even though a hindu, she went to Mass and didn't receive communion. my mom never asked her why. she only told me yesterday that after her conversion, my mom commented "ah. now i know why you didn't receive communion". she considers my mom as her mom too so that makes us sisters. i'm blessed to have her as a sister because i am an only girl with four brothers. i look up to her strength of faith, her character, her total surrender to His Will ... to a life lived in testimony of God's love.
she repeated it many times during our conversation last night. love. love. love. yes, we are all called to love and to love God with all our hearts, mind and soul, she emphasized.
she asked me to write her story and i am honoured. i hope that i will give justice and legacy to a life that has inspired so many. a life that even though life's struggle has beaten her physical body, her spirit is whole and in the tender loving care of God the Father, cradled in the arms of God the Son and breathed with zeal for God's work by the Holy Spirit.
God bless you, Ate Jenny. I love you very much.
triumph of life
everyday that death doesn't consume us is a triumph over life.
today is the "pasyam" (ninth day) of the death of ate jenny's sister, reva (eternal rest grant unto her O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. may she rest in peace). yesterday, i went to the cemetery in petit-saconnex. i always wanted to go inside ever since i discovered it on one of my walks. it was beautiful from the outside which beckoned me and it was even more beautiful when i came in. it was a park where the living could be with the dead. french-shaped pine trees, resting places dotted with brightly coloured flowers, a well-manicured lawn and a soft wind - indeed, it is a place to rest - both for the living and the dead. i walked around and was at peace with the dead. i spoke to some, read some of the head stones: beloved father, beloved mother ... i wanted to clean some of the places that seemed to have been neglected or are not remembered but it might not be my place to do so ... there was a caretaker but i didn't see him/her.
we experience certain types of death. there's the physical death which is the separation of body and soul. there's spiritual death which is the death of our spirit while the body lives. there's also the living dead. those who walk around as if there's nothing worth living for. then there's the sacrificial death to ourselves in order to give life to another. that's what Jesus did for us. He didn't do it figuratively, but in reality. we are called to do it figuratively so that we not focus on our own needs but on the needs of those that need our love and care.
one of my friends on one of the first days of the nine days of prayer said: God takes you when you have fulfilled your purpose in your life. in the Old Testament, death was a curse. it was something that God instituted to punish us. But since the New Testament and the coming of Christ, God has become a loving God, not full of wrath and promises us eternal life. although we are citizens of heaven, we still have a temporal home.
we live in an ephemeral world. we tend to look at our life on earth as the only life we have. and for that, we should celebrate every second that God gives us to do something worthwhile as we tread the path of life.
"that you would be pleased to have mercy on those of whom no special remembrance is made on earth."
that phrase is taken from the book of prayers for the dead. it has been tugging at me that i should write about it because i was concerned about those people that aren't remembered much. (at my own death, i think of it.) i'm sure that they were loved by their families but were not famous and without big monuments erected in their honour. or maybe they were orphans of life - those that seem to have taken on life's cruelty in their life. i would like to pray for them because i believe that we can impact each other's lives in the simplest way. an encounter in the street, just a mere look, a mere smile. just by being there. (i have been touched by people that i don't know ... just by seeing them on the street, observing them being themselves ... they didn't need to say anything ... but i remember all of them.)
i asked a friend how she was yesterday. she said "enjoying every second of my life". i was amazed and thankful for her answer. it was a blessing to be alive. it is a blessing to wake up each day to a new morning when we can continue to be the labourers in the vineyard of God.
i hope that you will also celebrate every second of your earthly life and live a life that is worth remembering ... not by the masses but by the ones you love and the people that need your love.
today is the "pasyam" (ninth day) of the death of ate jenny's sister, reva (eternal rest grant unto her O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. may she rest in peace). yesterday, i went to the cemetery in petit-saconnex. i always wanted to go inside ever since i discovered it on one of my walks. it was beautiful from the outside which beckoned me and it was even more beautiful when i came in. it was a park where the living could be with the dead. french-shaped pine trees, resting places dotted with brightly coloured flowers, a well-manicured lawn and a soft wind - indeed, it is a place to rest - both for the living and the dead. i walked around and was at peace with the dead. i spoke to some, read some of the head stones: beloved father, beloved mother ... i wanted to clean some of the places that seemed to have been neglected or are not remembered but it might not be my place to do so ... there was a caretaker but i didn't see him/her.
we experience certain types of death. there's the physical death which is the separation of body and soul. there's spiritual death which is the death of our spirit while the body lives. there's also the living dead. those who walk around as if there's nothing worth living for. then there's the sacrificial death to ourselves in order to give life to another. that's what Jesus did for us. He didn't do it figuratively, but in reality. we are called to do it figuratively so that we not focus on our own needs but on the needs of those that need our love and care.
one of my friends on one of the first days of the nine days of prayer said: God takes you when you have fulfilled your purpose in your life. in the Old Testament, death was a curse. it was something that God instituted to punish us. But since the New Testament and the coming of Christ, God has become a loving God, not full of wrath and promises us eternal life. although we are citizens of heaven, we still have a temporal home.
we live in an ephemeral world. we tend to look at our life on earth as the only life we have. and for that, we should celebrate every second that God gives us to do something worthwhile as we tread the path of life.
"that you would be pleased to have mercy on those of whom no special remembrance is made on earth."
that phrase is taken from the book of prayers for the dead. it has been tugging at me that i should write about it because i was concerned about those people that aren't remembered much. (at my own death, i think of it.) i'm sure that they were loved by their families but were not famous and without big monuments erected in their honour. or maybe they were orphans of life - those that seem to have taken on life's cruelty in their life. i would like to pray for them because i believe that we can impact each other's lives in the simplest way. an encounter in the street, just a mere look, a mere smile. just by being there. (i have been touched by people that i don't know ... just by seeing them on the street, observing them being themselves ... they didn't need to say anything ... but i remember all of them.)
i asked a friend how she was yesterday. she said "enjoying every second of my life". i was amazed and thankful for her answer. it was a blessing to be alive. it is a blessing to wake up each day to a new morning when we can continue to be the labourers in the vineyard of God.
i hope that you will also celebrate every second of your earthly life and live a life that is worth remembering ... not by the masses but by the ones you love and the people that need your love.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
misty cataracts?
(a poem dedicated to my officemates who find laughter in every situation ... this morning it was this scenario ... a misty morning looking out into the non-visible lake covered with haze)
===
was it rain, was it dew?
was it mist, was it age?
was it our eyes?
am i going blind?
one woman asked.
"no", said one,
laughed,
said i "cataract?"
the mist in the air
in the early morn.
laugh us at "cataract"
in the eyes of old
but mist it was
a morning blague
shared by the young-old us!
===
was it rain, was it dew?
was it mist, was it age?
was it our eyes?
am i going blind?
one woman asked.
"no", said one,
laughed,
said i "cataract?"
the mist in the air
in the early morn.
laugh us at "cataract"
in the eyes of old
but mist it was
a morning blague
shared by the young-old us!
"concentrated charm of the east"
that's what TJ (name changed) said to the coffe girls this morning. he himself was a cupful of charm. :) it even seemed that he thought about it as he made his way to the line to buy coffee and back to us, to stop at our table and to smile and to say ... "at this table is the concentrated charm of the east" (we were all filipinos who sometimes would fill the little cafeteria with our boisterous laughter to the delight of some and the horror of many ... or so i think) ... there's nothing like word play that would make me smile. of course ... he's almost a septuagenerian so don't be getting any ideas!
i like him because he takes time to appreciate life. i can see it in his face. he has a lovely smile and the look of one who has lived his life to the full. it is unmistaken too that he was a handsome young man because he still looks like a handsom old man. hehe. he approached me once to introduce himself. and i likewise. he asked what made me smile a lot ... i said because life is a blessing. he said "that's a good way of looking at it". i look forward to seeing him just because he smiles as often as me. he's not like the other people in my workplace who look down to avoid greeting one another. maybe they're just shy ... but still i can't help feeling hurt when it's so noticeable. i respect them ... so let them be. :)
going back to TJ, he seemed surprised that i was taking a sandwich at tea time in the afternoon. he asked "are you just eating lunch?" i said "this is a snack". he said, "how do you stay so slim?" he answered his own question, "it must be all that smiling." i told him, "that's something i wouldn't mind expending energy on". he smiled back and said "more people should put their energy in that too".
i'd like to be like him when i get older. he seems to be full of wisdom and i want to pick his brain sometimes. but i hope that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. because i've had "older" men trying to be friends with me but it just felt uncomfortable.
for now, i will enjoy his charm and what he said to us ... we the concentrated charm of the east of the office. :)
i like him because he takes time to appreciate life. i can see it in his face. he has a lovely smile and the look of one who has lived his life to the full. it is unmistaken too that he was a handsome young man because he still looks like a handsom old man. hehe. he approached me once to introduce himself. and i likewise. he asked what made me smile a lot ... i said because life is a blessing. he said "that's a good way of looking at it". i look forward to seeing him just because he smiles as often as me. he's not like the other people in my workplace who look down to avoid greeting one another. maybe they're just shy ... but still i can't help feeling hurt when it's so noticeable. i respect them ... so let them be. :)
going back to TJ, he seemed surprised that i was taking a sandwich at tea time in the afternoon. he asked "are you just eating lunch?" i said "this is a snack". he said, "how do you stay so slim?" he answered his own question, "it must be all that smiling." i told him, "that's something i wouldn't mind expending energy on". he smiled back and said "more people should put their energy in that too".
i'd like to be like him when i get older. he seems to be full of wisdom and i want to pick his brain sometimes. but i hope that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. because i've had "older" men trying to be friends with me but it just felt uncomfortable.
for now, i will enjoy his charm and what he said to us ... we the concentrated charm of the east of the office. :)
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